Heartbreaker
by prentiss-be-mine
Summary: Olivia wasn't a lesbian, but a certain someone could change her mind. Currently a drabble but thinking of making it a multi-chaptered. NOW MULTI-CHAPTERED! Please Review!
1. Pleasure

**A/N: Again, random drabble written on the bus. All mistakes are mine. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the SVU characters. **

…

She isn't a lesbian, yet she somehow responds to the touch of a woman. She isn't straight because she doesn't have, or _want,_relationships with men. Men bother her; the smell of their sweat, their weight crushing her frame, and their hot breath panting in her face from their disgusting grunts always pisses her off. With women things are softer, more intimate, very graceful and touches are more thorough. Satisfying.

But she definitely is _not _a lesbian.

Lesbianism is a label and Olivia never likes labels because they are in a strict forum; a code to follow under certain guidelines. And the only rule she follows are to _never_ follow anyone else's. You know why she does that? Because she is a fucking boss, that's why!

But during times like this, when she reclines on the bed just to arch from it in sheer pleasure, when she is trying to muffle her groans- embarrassed how audible she became- when she is grinding herself into Casey's face, begging for more pleasure, is the time where she questions herself. Where she wonders how this frail redheaded _woman_rocks her on the peaks of ecstasy with just her little tongue. How could she feel every waken nerve on through her clothes- she only takes off her pants because only _lesbians _fuck naked- because of this small woman.

This wasn't right; it wasn't fair. This was supposed to be a simple agreement; Casey getting her rocks off for Olivia because Elliot couldn't. Nothing but harmless fun was to exchange between them but now, looking down at those sated emeralds gazing adoringly at her, she wonders how she will tell her delicately that she could never have her heart, never win it because Olivia didn't want it to be won over. She wonders _why _Casey saw something in her besides a blatant sex toy and good time. But she sees it's something else, something praiseworthy behind those green orbs that makes her chest tighten.

She was going to break her heart.

**A/N: Don't know where I'm going with this. Stay? Go? Sex? Multi-chaptered? Only reviews will tell me how you feel. **


	2. Denial

**A/N: Really surprised by the feedback of my little drabble. I still don't know where I'm going with this, so let me know if you have any ideas. **

**…**

Olivia finds her panties sprawled on Casey's carpet and she leans over the bed to pick them up to slide them on. She can feel Casey's eyes burning her back and Olivia inwardly sighs. She doesn't know what the infatuation Casey seems to have for her. Perhaps it was the mystery Olivia brings to herself, the automatic wall she builds over her heart that gives the relentless Casey the drive to try and wear it down.

Well, that was stupid of her.

"That was amazing," she hears Casey say from behind her, and her voice fills with satiation and an undertone of hope. Hope for something Olivia would never give her.

But she doesn't want to seem rude, so she throws a tight smile over her shoulder as she slides her slacks up to her thighs.

"So," Casey tries again, and Olivia inwardly rolls her eyes. It was such a shame how Casey practically whimpers like a child when Olivia doesn't give her the attention she desperately wants. It was a shame how Casey gazes up at her with her green doe eyes. How she practically screams for attention. Why does she do it? She seems to be an attractive woman. Can't she find some lesbian to fuck her senseless? Because Olivia hasn't and will not ever reciprocate the sexual stimulation Casey does for her.

That'll be the gay thing to do.

"What are you doing today?"

Apparently not, she inwardly sighs at her thought.

"Uh…me and El have this thing with his parents," she lies. Elliot's dad is dead and he keeps little to no contact with his bi-polar mother, but Casey will never leave her alone about this thing and perhaps Olivia needs to remind her that she isn't single, and that the only thing Casey is to her is a respectable A.D.A and a great person to lick her-

"You still see him?" She sounds so hurt but Olivia only seeks pity for her if she is legally deaf. But since Casey is not, she only heavily sighs as she stands from the bed and faces the clearly despondent ginger.

"Case we talked about this-" Olivia sighs as she fixes her gun holstered at her waist.

"No, no we didn't," she lifts from the bed with just a white cami and black panties. The detective's brown eyes trails down to smooth toned pale legs. She doesn't look at them much, because she is not a lesbian _obviously, _but when she did she couldn't keep her eyes off of them. They are long and shapely that has a light dust of freckles around the thigh that the detective unconsciously counts when she isn't spoken to. Why couldn't she keep her damn pants on?

But again her eyes snap to the ginger's face because she has no business looking at them.

"_You _talked about not being a lesbian, which is obviously a lie-"

Olivia immediately corrects her with a growl as she charges up to the ginger's face. She is scared, Olivia could see that and for a moment the detective almost pouts at the quiver the ginger made, but she furrows her brow just thinking about it. She shouldn't care this much. After all, this was only physical and unless that mouth was being used for _other _reasons, she really should care less whether it quivers or not. But she couldn't keep her eyes off of them…

"Casey," her voice strains because this conversation is an endless and redundant one. She is sick of having to explain to Casey, to herself, that she isn't a lesbian and that this is only for physical support to a wonderful emotional and deeper connection she has with _someone else. _But she will say it until the numbskull gets it. "I don't…I told you I'm not a lesb-"

"You could tell yourself that over and over again until you're blue in the face, but I know what I feel on my tongue right now…" Her raspy voice trails at her last comment and Olivia furrows her brow, confused by the seemingly random statement until she analyzes the reasoning behind the words and Olivia couldn't help the blush rising from her cheeks, all the way down to the column of her neck.

But just as quickly as that sultry, maybe impish look in those green eyes came they immediately wash over with pain and defeat as she lets out a sigh and mumbles "Same time next week?"

Olivia's eyes dim as she nods concurringly. Casey is nice; Olivia is sure that she could get a candidate that suits her needs emotionally and sexually. But the true question is _why? _Olivia knows why _she _comes every Thursday- when Elliot is at the gym. But why Casey? Why does she sit here and wedges her head between Olivia's legs every Thursday? Why does she let herself get caught up in the temporary imbalance of their hormones after _Olivia_ reaches that peak? It's not like Casey gets anything in return, so why does she do it? Why does she stupidly put her heart on her sleeve when she knows it'll get crushed with Olivia's rejection? Was she craving emotional intimacy to the point where she deludes a physical encountering out of one, just to feel whole? If it is the case then she is pathetic, but that is not Olivia's problem.

She only comes here for one thing, and she goes home to her true love for everything

* * *

><p>Olivia couldn't get her mind off that saddened look in the A.D.A's eyes when she puts her clothes back on. The look of defeat, the look of shock- as if she doesn't know this will happen-everything, just makes the detective sigh. But what did Casey expect her to do? Drop everything she works so hard for? Outside of work and the ginger's bedroom, Olivia seeks no use for Casey's voice, or feelings, or fears, or anything else that isn't displayed on the surface of her tongue. She just wasn't him…<p>

But thank god her thoughts could seize for now because she hears the bolt of her lock turn and she knows he's here. He'll make it better, he'll fix her.

_Nothing like spontaneous sex to distract the mind._

* * *

><p>Olivia's eyes usually rolls when she is intimate with Elliot, but not in the euphoric sense where she can't stop herself. It was for the fact that sex with him felt like a shift, a mild inconvenience, a second job that she was <em>not <em>passionate about. It was all mechanical thrusts and plastered moans for her but for him he enjoys it, so that means she was forced to as well. It was a requirement for the relationship, which she _did _enjoy. Elliot made her feel whole and love and cherished as a person. She just wished he could do that for her body…

But tonight was not one of those nights where he screws her from behind so she could hide her shame of thinking of someone else. No she needs to look him in the eye, to prove she is normal, that _this_ is a normal relationship, and that she _is _straight damn it! So she straddles him, riding harder, maybe even bruising herself, as she grunts, frustrated that it is not working. The lovely redhead keeps dancing in her head, just taunting her; irritating Olivia. Those strawberry glossed-lips make a smug smile in her head as the detective writhes from her touch. She shakes that off because she is with Elliot- her partner, her love, her _soul mate, _and she isn't going to let a great fuck taint the relationship she thanks god everyday for.

She couldn't do this to him…

So she rides harder, eyeing those blue eyes she loves smiling back at her, and she gasps for breath as she realize _his _strokes weren't making her short-winded. It was _hers! _Casey's hands were everywhere; stroking her breasts, kneading them; her stomach, teasing the taut muscles of her abdomen; her thighs, eventually leading up to a mound that _wants _to care for Elliot, but begs and pleads for Casey. For _her. _A woman.

She couldn't do this to him, no; not after what Elliot has done for her. He shows that she was capable of love and _being _loved, and she couldn't just stomp on his chest like that. He left his wife and _kids _for her…

But the logic behind it still doesn't display the obvious. She isn't thinking of him, at _all. _Her insides flutter for small, soft delicate hands rather than the big, brute calloused ones of her partner. Her body craves for plump, soft lips and not flat, chapped ones. That thumping mound that _still _isn't stimulated enough craves for that tongue. That wide, curved, talented tongue that never neglects a single nerve down there. A tongue that never seize to amaze Olivia at how intense her orgasms are because of it. She needs it now, now more than ever because she's thinking of it, thinking of _her, _and that was dangerous. Casey isn't worth the pain and anguish she will feel for herself if she ruins this with Elliot.

But again the mental stimulation overpowers logic because she feels herself tipping over the edge, but why isn't it him? Why can't this be easy? Why can't her physical relationship have the same potency as the emotional? She didn't have the answers to these questions because Casey was too busy captivating her mind for her to think of _anything _besides her tongue. Just the sound of her, the sound of Casey purring in approval really did it for Olivia and she let her body explode in a harsh grunt. She is never a screamer in bed, even _before _Elliot, but as he was calming her back to reality, as she throws her head back to catch her breath, she realizes that this was probably the most stimulating sex she's had with Elliot in awhile.

It is ironic; Olivia craves for her physical relationship to equate with the mental and emotional but it is already happening. Never throughout the twenty minutes they were going at it did she think of what _he _wants. What satisfies _him. _What gets him off. No, it is what gets _her _off and the person that helps Olivia see stars.

And it is so sad to say it isn't Elliot…

**A/N: Yeah I know this chapter is short but I wanted you to get a jest of Olivia's confliction. Again I still don't know where I'm going with this. Review for a new chapter. **


	3. Defiance

**A/N: I usually don't update this fast, but considering that I am sick I have nothing but to diddle on my blackberry, I said "what the hell?" It probably won't happen again because I update solely on feedback. Oh yeah, everyone should go on my profile and look at the banner made for this story by the one and only, Holly Version 2.0. Isn't it awesome? Thanks, hon. ^_^ **

…

Casey slithers further into the softness of her bed, glad she keeps her pride until the detective leaves. She couldn't cry in front of her, no; that'll show her weakness. That'll show how desperate she looks for the detective's touch, for her attention, anything besides being reminded that she was with _him! _Crying will show how desperate she _is _for the detective.

But here she is alone to cry and weep with only a pillow to caress her.

She doesn't get it; why does she allow this to happen? Why every Thursday she looks forward to have her head between beautiful, olive legs? Why does she allow herself to get pushed around and treated like a whore, and for _what? _It's not like she could lose herself in that moment of self-loathing pleasure when she roars out her own release. Olivia wouldn't even touch her, _look _at her even.

_Why do you do it?_

But she couldn't find appropriate words to explain her loose and shameful behavior. She doesn't know why she thinks twenty minutes of pleasure of feeling the detective on her tongue is worth the heavy tears on her pillow afterward. She doesn't know why hearing the detective's groans of ecstasy are worth the heavy ache in her chest when she watches the detective gets dressed.

Then she realizes they _are _worth it. Olivia is more than just a great body. She has a wonderful heart and soul; her dedication for her victims and the extremes she does for justice still blows the A.D.A's mind. If only Olivia could use that same vigor and relentlessness for loving her…

But she shakes that off as she wipes the burning tears away. She has an arraignment in the morning and she refuses to let the detective ruin and affect her life. She has worked too hard, dined too many tables, and has too many student loans to pay off to let the beautiful brunette ruin her career- the one thing she has control and finesse in.

Not that she hasn't already…

* * *

><p>Casey quickly showers and goes into her daily regime. She brushes her teeth, washes her face again, blow dries and flat-irons her hair, and on to put on her clothes. She grabs an apple from the fruit basket and makes a sigh as she looks at the calendar pulled to the refrigerator by the magnet.<p>

_It's Thursday again. _

It is odd how the fifth day of the week channels confliction within her emotions. On one hand she is thrilled to finally have alone time with the detective, even for a short amount, even if she is _not _seeing much of her face. She is thrilled to hear her giggle when she caresses her strong hips as she shimmies her slacks down to her ankles. She is thrilled to just_ bask_ in the detective's warmth, her arousal, just everything.

Then she is devastated twenty minutes later…

But again she shakes it off, once again refusing to let Olivia's body control her life and thinks of the sure victory she will get in her case. She wants to see the defense say Michael Hambert 'accidentally' kidnapped, raped, and murdered six women. That'll be a laugh.

Besides…her little sweetheart is coming over tomorrow. She always knows how to make her smile at any given moment.

* * *

><p>As noted the jury has its deliberation in fifteen minutes, and Hambert has six life sentences awaiting him. She feels victorious in the courtroom, giving an inadvertent smirk at the defense as the belligerent defendant gets dragged out of court by the guards. But when she turns to leave, ready to get a celebratory drink, she catches eyes with the detective with <em>him <em>and immediately feels inadequate and worthless.

They are all smiles, giggling at something that probably isn't funny. From unbiased eyes they look cute. Like a happy, content, emotionally-driven, sexually-satisfying couple. But Casey knows better and she thinks Olivia knows as well, but she's just in denial.

She _does_ believe Olivia cares for Elliot; their compelling partnership shows their mutual love and dedication for each other. But as a couple, as a couple who is sexually active, she doesn't see it and Olivia apparently doesn't if she comes here every Thursday for an A.D.A to stuff her face between her legs. She thinks Olivia will be just fine if she listens to her heart and not with her head.

She, out of sheer experience, knows the unsettling displacement of closeting herself to feel more accepted to society.

She rolls her shoulders backward, cracks her neck, and begins to walk toward the door. She can't let Olivia see her like this. She needs to show her strength. To show that she doesn't need Olivia and she's just a convenient evening of pleasure, as Olivia saw for her. It would be so much easier if that was true…

"Congrats Casey!" Elliot exclaims with a cheery smile. It will also be easier if Stabler was a total jerk, that he treated Olivia like crap so the detective can open her eyes. But that isn't the case here. Elliot, under the wildly belligerent detective he displays toward the perps, is nothing but a sweet, caring, intensive man and probably the best thing that happened to Olivia. But there is something lacking, something empty in the detective's eyes when she's with him. There is so much more around those beautiful shades of brown.

And she sees it now when Olivia aligns her brown eyes on her; those dark specs never leaving hers as they show a impish glint. "Uh…" she mumbles, returning her eyes to the blue-eyed detective. "Thanks. Couldn't really do it without strong, legally attainable evidence," Casey offers with a small smile.

"Well, it also takes the strength of a competent attorney to make sure our hard work doesn't go in vain," Olivia says with a sultry grin, eyes boring into the ginger's; unsettling the A.D.A into an awkward chuckle as she darts her eyes to her heels.

"Thanks Liv…"

"Hey why don't me and Liv buy you a drink?" he asks, patting a friendly hand on her shoulder and she feels herself go pale.

"Well…actually-"

"Oh no, Novak," he chuckles, moving closer to the ginger and away from the detective. His _girlfriend. _"You're going to celebrate your win. I don't want you to become a cynic like ol' lady over here," he makes a very conspicuous nod to the brunette, who gives him a playful slap in the head as he smirks back at her. Talk about an ick factor.

"Actually El…I have plans and-"

"Oh," he frowns slightly, clearly disappointed but his despondence shifts into a grin. "Well, okay. Long as you're having fun. I should get going to the gym, anyway."

_I have my own workout with your girlfriend, myself. _She shivers at her subconscious thought and shakes it away with a plastered grin as she runs her fingers through her red mane.

"C'mon Liv," he nods toward the courtroom door but she remains still.

"El, I'll catch up with you later okay?" she says, dark eyes still potent on the A.D.A, not caring about her boyfriend's confused expression.

"Uh…sure. See ya. Congrats again," he mumbles awkwardly, Casey giving one last smile, before he walks out.

Now she is stuck, alone with a hot detective.

_God I go to church when I can, maybe not as much as you like, but I really try. Why do you make it your business to torment me?_

* * *

><p>Casey keeps her eyes out the taxi window as she and Olivia drives back to the precinct. Though the case is over, the paperwork isn't and she agreed to help Olivia out with it. She wishes that she could say that Olivia was looking at her. That Olivia is just as nervous and awkward and flustered around her, as she is for the detective. But she couldn't. She couldn't feel those dark, sultry eyes burning her profile. She couldn't feel that heated look of intensity in the detective's gaze because there isn't one. When she looks in the corner of her eye, she could see the detective perfectly calm- face neutral, ankles casually crossing over the other, seeking no apparent pleasure to Casey's existence.<p>

_How could someone so gorgeous be such a heartbreaker?_

She lets the thought swim in her head for awhile until she feels fingernails graze against her knee, trailing upward, slipping beneath her pencil skirt. She gasps, not really from the stimulation. Just the fact that Olivia _never _touches- the closest she gets to a response of interest is the moisture between her legs. But here Olivia takes initiative, rubbing her thigh that is now squirming, and making light kisses on the ginger's neck that causes a low groan and an unconscious eye roll from the A.D.A.

Now she remembers why she is so infatuated with this woman. There is such mystery to her, this transparent shadow that lures her on just to shun her away when she got too close. Like being an exhibitionist, for example. The closeted person, literally and figuratively, the detective is doesn't seem like a person to publicly display her sexual mannerisms. But here she is, hand up her skirt, tongue along her neck, and voice so low and primal Casey thinks she just might faint.

"Dear lord…" Casey moans as she tilts her head to the side, trying to align her lips to the detective's- lips that she _still _didn't have the honor kissing- but Olivia tilts her head before she gets any contact. Olivia never kisses on the mouth because that's what "lesbians do."

_Guess things never change. _

But she doesn't push her luck. This is the most attention Olivia has given to her body and she'll live- or maybe not- if she couldn't kiss those full lips if the detective keeps touching her like this. But just when her heart accelerates to the point she might need medical attention, just when Olivia cups her center through her underwear- causing a strangled groan from the ginger, just when that sultry voice whispers "We're here…", Olivia completely moves from the flustered ginger and asks "How much, sir?"

From what she can see through her extremely hooded eyes, the cabbie driver is just as flustered as she is. "Uh…no…no problem ma'me," he groans, turning around to give a sleazy smirk.

"Oh, well, thanks," Olivia smiles delicately, that soft smile she gives victims, and proceeds to climb out the cab with Casey dumbly following on wobbly limbs.

"I can't believe he fell for that," Olivia smugly chuckles, running her fingers through her chestnut hair as they walk in the elevator.

"Fell for what?" Casey husks, not exactly caring for the response. All that matters is that Olivia wants her and she proves it in the cab.

"I didn't even kiss you and he waived the fare," she chuckles some more, but this time Casey frowns.

"What do you…that's why you…?" Casey furrows her brow, feeling her hammering heart begin to tighten within her chest.

"Well I was low on funds, and you paid the last fare I just thought a little show could give us a lezzy discount but _free? _I wasn't expecting that."

"So that's all that was to you?" Casey couldn't stop her mouth from snapping; tone filled with ice and pain.

"Case…what is your…" she pauses for a moment as she looks up at the ginger with her eyes narrowed. "I told you I'm not a lesbian. I don't…you really need to relax. You won a popular case; you might even get a salary raise from it. Then _you _could afford to pay the fares all the time," she lightly chuckles as the elevator doors open. "But you have to admit that was kind of funny."

She has a trail of slurs that is just at the tip of her tongue, but she is still afraid. If she argues with this woman than Olivia will rebut and she is afraid of what the detective _really _feels about her. And if they say the wrong thing, then she could never feel the warmth of Olivia ever again- something she is not ready to give up, even if she defies her self-respect. So she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and with a tight smile she looks up at the brunette and awkwardly mumbles "Yeah, that was pretty hilarious."

_Hilarious for a sadist. _

**A/N: So who is Casey's "little sweetheart" that she gushes about? Perhaps she could take her mind off Olivia. Reviews for a new chapter people. **

.


	4. Surprise

**A/N: I update this story so quickly because I write it as if I am watching it on a huge ass flat screen. It just flows subconsciously I guess *shrugs*And because I am sick, and this is the weekend. It won't be like this during the week. This one's slightly longer. **

Olivia couldn't help but smile as she and Casey sits by her desk to finish her files. She never gets that type of reaction with Elliot- though the two shouldn't be described on the same level. When Elliot is aroused it is always the same. He always sprouts the same length, feels the same in hardness, whether she's dancing heavily with him at a party, or down right screwing him senseless. But with Casey she sensed her heat when her hand was on her knee, but when she caressed her thigh Olivia literally _felt _the initial gush of the ginger's arousal and it nearly made her head swim.

That must've been how guys feel.

But she shakes that away and focuses on her paperwork. It seems that Casey is having one of her mood swings and she doesn't feel like dwelling into an argument when she is tired. But she couldn't help who she feels right now. How her _left _hand feels right now. Elliot loves her but he doesn't _burn _for her like Casey did. Elliot grunts in approval when they are intimate but Casey makes a full out helpless, whimper when her hand is up her legs. She finds herself unconsciously running the event in her head, biting her lip when her tongue grazes the column of the ginger's neck.

_Damn it!_

It only stops, or dulls, when the ringing sound of Casey's phone brings her back to reality.

_Thank god for technology. _

The A.D.A. appears to be cheerful by whatever message she receives but it disappears within her frown as she settles back into the word Olivia has given her.

Olivia eyes her for a moment and wonders why the sudden mood. Why the sudden funk if the A.D.A just prosecuted a renowned diplomat? She's probably just on edge, sexually frustrated like Olivia is.

And Olivia knows how to make her feel better; she smirks wickedly at her thought.

"Hey," she drawls, her voice deep, as she lifts from her computer chair to sit on the edge of her partner's desk, eyeing the despondent ginger. "This'll all be here tomorrow."

"No it won't," is her flat reply, eyes never leaving her computer.

Olivia furrows her brow at that and she tries to shake the hurt off, but doesn't dare let it show in her clenched jaw. Weakness is not a trait of Olivia Benson, but she has to admit that was kind of cold.

Fortunately relentlessness _is_ one of her factors. "C'mon," she tries again, rubbing the ginger's shoulder. "I think you know today's date," her smirk widens and her brows waggle as she runs her fingers through the ginger's red mane. It is different than Elliot's short, thin hair. She rather enjoys feeling the cool, thick yet soft, tendrils of the A.D.A's mane within her fingertips.

But apparently the ginger still appears not amused. "I believe the day is on your computer, my computer, your phone, my phone, and even on the manual calendars, people who still uses them."

This time Olivia growls, fingers still buried in red curls, and she frowns down at the woman who looks up at her. "This is about the whole taxi thing-"

"What taxi thing?" is her sardonic reply "It was just a joke right? A big, fat joke." She shakes the detective's hand out of hair and turns back to the computer. "Now let's get back to work."

"I don't want to work!" she whines out, frustrated that she sounds like a spoiled teenager.

"Then you should consider a career change."

Olivia huffs out an aggravated sigh as she charges up on her feet. She _hates _women! How they could be so damn probing when they want to be, then be so damn secretive when the time is _completely _wrong! How the hell did men deal with them, _her, _better yet, how the hell were there lesbians in this world!

"Casey need I remind you that _we _agreed for this to be simple harmless fun? You're not making it fun with your whining!"

"Says the _straight- _and I use that term very loosely- woman who is jumping up and down because I _won't_ like her pussy?" she arches her brow as she stands up with her arms crossed. "That's a real laugh, detective."

Olivia outwardly flinches at that. She doesn't know why she is offended, what Casey is saying is the truth, but something about Casey calling her out on that, able to stop her dead in her tracks like that shows that she is way too close. That she could get closer. Maybe even find her heart.

Eyes immediately leaving, Olivia about-faces and heads toward the elevator, not knowing where to go exactly, but she needs to leave, escape Casey, escape the inevitable.

When pressing the elevator button she hears heels stomping behind her and a hand on her shoulder. Olivia lets out a sigh and turns around to find apologetic green eyes gazing back at her.

"Liv please don't go," she says, her voice just as meek as her expression. "That was really uncalled for, and I…between the cases and…other things going on I guess I am little on edge and I shouldn't have taken out on you." She's begging again, that's nothing different about Casey- she always wants Olivia to stay- but it's something different, different how the ginger looks up in space rather than the detective's eyes like she usually does.

She seems lost.

Olivia nods understandably at that. She wants to tell her that she is also sorry. Sorry for being a total insensitive bitch in the cab, but she doesn't- _couldn't. _She doesn't trust the strength of her voice, especially looking in those green eyes that seem so sad as they gaze in the distance.

But she shakes her head as she runs her fingers through her chestnut locks. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," is her response. Her quick, automated, response that makes a brow arch. "I just…" And for a moment Olivia thinks Casey will admit her true issues of her despondence, but her eyes flicker back at the detective's and she sighs. "Let's just get back to work…please?"

Olivia narrows her eyes. For some odd, compelling reason she wants to know what's bugging Casey and to help her feel better, but she lets out a sigh as well and nods her head.

She'll get nowhere probing.

* * *

><p>Olivia could barely focus watching the ginger type away. Casey has gotten eight text messages within thirty minutes and for that moment she looks happy, at bliss, until she moves from her phone and shifts back to the computer. So that left Olivia to one conclusion.<p>

"Girlfriend?" Olivia asks curiously, lifting her eyes from her file.

"Huh?" Casey mumbles distantly, looking at her with surprised eyes.

It makes the detective smirk a bit. "Girlfriend? The person that got you all googlily eyed over there," her smirk widens as she watches the blush rise along the ginger's cheeks- matching her scarlet mane.

"Uh…no," she chuckles, shaking her head.

"Some lucky girl obviously wants your attention," Olivia chuckles as well, eyeing the phone. It's only when she watches that smile, a smile she thought is sheepish and kind of cute, falls into a slight pout as she gazes down at her phone that makes Olivia mirror the expression.

_Did I say something wrong? _

Again she doesn't respond and settles back on her work, with her eye glancing up every now and then.

_Something's wrong. _

The ringing of Casey's phone snaps the attention out of both of them. "Hey."

The word that slips from her mouth is casual, but the scowl on her face and the monotone she uses equates the brisk "Novak" when she answers professional calls.

_Apparently she's not interested. _

"Yes I am…no…_now?" _Olivia furrows her brow but tries not to be nosey, but her eyes couldn't stay off the ginger's frustrated scowl. "You said you were coming tomorrow…because I am at work…"

Whoever Casey is talking to is really annoying her. And Olivia couldn't help the growl that roars from her throat.

"No…no I didn't say that…of course not!" she hisses out and Olivia could see the ginger trying to control her anger and Olivia isn't coy anymore. Her eyes never leave the A.D.A, but Casey is too focus on the phone to notice her strong gaze on her.

"Fine…you think I don't want to see her now?"

_Her? _

"Fine…fine then bring her to the precinct. Of course she's been here before." Casey looks like she might explode when she screams "Obviously she wasn't in an interrogation room!"

That's when Olivia takes initiative and stands to Casey's side to rub her shoulder, making sure she is okay. Casey looks up at her, a look of shame and embarrassment on her face and Olivia couldn't help rubbing her cheek.

Casey's face flushes and she says "Fine. I'm not all for bullshit right now, either" and hangs up, raking both hands through her hair.

She is silent and Olivia just looks at her, ready for the ginger to reveal her secret- like everyone else does- but she remains silent and she returns to her work. She's come to realize that Casey is really a private person, as herself, and perhaps she's not as open and easy and pathetic as she thought she is.

_The more you know right?_

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes passes and the ginger hasn't said a word. Her mind is clearly somewhere else. Her hands are clearly only there for typing, and her brain is meant to only function on the work in front of her. It makes Olivia sigh at that. She really wants to break the mysterious person who hurt the A.D.A. But that will mean that she cares, which she <em>doesn't! <em>

But all of that changes when the ginger's eyes widens at something behind her, making the detective do the same when she saw her.

There she is, vibrant red curls bouncing in two pigtails. Small freckles adorn her high cheekbones. Blue sharp eyes electrify the room as she walks in with all smiles, with her hand enclosed with a taller man; older, clearly aggravated and successful with his business suit. She's so little, maybe three feet, four. _Who is she?_

"Mommy!" she squeals, abandoning the man to run and jump in Casey's arms.

Then Olivia sees it. She sees the same clean cut dimples in her small cheeks. The soft giggle that radiates from the both of them is identical. The wild flames of red adorning her face. The nose, the pale skin, she now sees it. She was…she has a _daughter. _

"Hi sweetheart!" Casey truly looks happy and Olivia couldn't help but furrow her brow. She's been in Casey's office before yet she doesn't remember a picture of the little girl. But then again she keeps a picture of her schizophrenic ex, Charlie, in her last drawer. She obviously hides things that are important to her. Or that shows vulnerability…

"How was your day, honey?" Casey exclaims with a smile, putting the girl on her lap.

"It was good. I played with Brittany before I left, you know Brittany right?"

"Of course. Your bestfriend."

"Uh-huh," she nods with a smile. "We jumped rope, then watched Yo Gabba Gabba, then we watched her older brother play polo, and we drew pictures. You wanna see them?"

"Of course I do," Casey smiles as she slides her small arms out of the Dora the Explorer bookbag, and the little girl opens her bag and takes out pictures.

Olivia smiles at the joyful expression on the ginger's face as the little one coos over something she drew. It must be nice…

"So what else did you do today?"

Before the ginger answers the taller man, who is still stiff and silent, walks over and answers "Telling me how much she misses her mother."

She could see Casey clench her jaw as she looks up at the taller man, but she sighs, for the little girl's sake, and mumbles. "Hello, Trevor."

"Casey," is his brisk reply.

Olivia sees that this man is clearly wealthy, perhaps a stock broker, or maybe another attorney. He seems reserved, his piercing blue eyes lay cold on the ginger. But as Olivia looks up at him, and then at the child, looking at her eyes, she could see that this man is clearly the father.

_Casey's ex…_

"I told you I was working," Casey says her green eyes cold on his.

"That's a shock," he sarcastically replies, casually slipping his hands in his black slacks.

Casey looks like she wants to rebut, but she shifts her eyes to the detective's with an unsettled expression. "This is…this is Emily, my daughter."

She looks awkward, unsettled, but Olivia doesn't know why. She shouldn't be ashamed of her kid. She is adorable, after all.

"Hi Emily," Olivia smiles brightly at the little girl with a wave.

"Hi," she mumbles before she settles her face into her mom's neck.

"She's shy," Casey grins before she tilts her head at the mini ginger. "Emmy, this is Olivia. She's a cop, you know."

The little girl looks up at her mother, before she settles her piercing eyes on Olivia. "Really?"

Olivia makes a soft smile at the little girl as she stands up, making sure to display her badge and gun. Kids seem to be so fascinated with them.

And the little girl's demure demeanor brightens as she leaps from her mommy's lap and runs behind the desk, to look up at the detective with adoring eye. "You're a cop?" she giggles, playing with the hem of her pink dress.

"Detective," Olivia corrects amusingly.

"What's the difference?"

Besides the salary change and difference in rank, Olivia thinks the little girl wouldn't like that answer. "We get to wear our own clothes," she smirks down at the ginger who giggles up at her.

"Can I touch your gun?"

"Emily," Casey replies sternly, and Olivia quickly intervenes. "Well, I protect people from bad guys. If I give you my gun, then I will be a bad guy. Now who will protect the city?"

The ginger looks down, her small features looking determined to rebut the claim. _Just like her mommy. _"That makes sense," she says after a brief pause, and a small grin.

She feels Casey's eyes on her and Olivia looks up and gives her a quick wink.

"We need to get going," the father says briskly, keeping his eyes on Casey.

"Wha- no!" The little girl petulantly whines. "I wanna stay with my mommy!"

"Your mother is working," is his blasé reply. "She doesn't have time-"

"Trevor!" Casey growls, charging up to his face. "Don't make me the bad guy. _You _came a day early. I can't just snap my fingers and make my work go away despite popular belief!"

The two of them go at; not enough for police attention, considering a child is present, but enough to show the two of them knows how to cut wounds when necessary without alarming their daughter. Olivia looks down at the little girl, whose head is down but she couldn't hide that pout, but doesn't seem surprised by her parents' reactions. It seems her parents make a habit of this around the little girl.

_Not today. _

"Casey I think I could handle it from here," Olivia says, tilting her head at the workload. It isn't true, she still needs a second set of eyes, but Casey deserves time with her daughter.

The ginger apparently doesn't believe her as she eyes the massive files on the conjoined desks. "Liv that's a lot of-"

"Go on," Olivia smiles, walking up to rub her shoulder. "Spend some time with your daughter…"

The look in the ginger's eyes spill relief, and joy, and thankfulness all in one. And Olivia couldn't help the smile growing on her face when Casey mouths "Thank you."

Olivia only makes a smile and returns her attention to despondent little girl.

"Ready to go, Emmy?" Casey smiles down at the girl, who immediately jumps for her joy, and giggles hysterically in her mother's arms.

Before the family begins to walk away the little girl waves and says "Bye Olivia" and Olivia feels her heart tighten. That's what she wants right there; a little bundle of joy to love, to love _her, _everything. She wants to prove that she could have a normal child from the Benson bloodline. That one isn't filled with violence, or alcoholics. She suddenly feels an attachment for this girl, and that's unhealthy. She is Casey's child. And she didn't want anything involving the ginger's life.

Or did she?

**A/N: If you read my first story, **_The Cracks Within, _**you would know I named an OC Emily with the same description. Well there is no crossover of any kind, and it was coincidence. Review for a new chapter. **


	5. Dance

**A/N: So I was reading my reviews and I've realized something. People think Trevor in this fic is Trevor Langan? Damn it. I should've put a last name. Well, Trevor is another OC I made up who just so happens to have blue eyes. But you could imagine him when you read this because that's what I'm doing now that people put it in my head.**

…

Casey loves watching her daughter dance on the Wii game she just bought her. She didn't even know what the damn thing was but when her daughter was squealing over the commercials, she had to buy one.

Emily is a fast learner, she retrieves that from both of her parents, and within a couple of hours she's dancing on an expert level with this determined look on her face; ready to crush any obstacle that gets in her way. She gets that one from her father, especially. Hopefully it's not to the extreme like her father.

"C'mon Mommy," she giggles cheerfully when she beats the next level. "It's your turn!"

"Oh no, honey." Casey chuckles softly as she shakes her head, but Emily wants to hear nothing of it.

"Yes," she pouts as she tries to pull her mother up from the couch, but Casey stays still. "Please? Please, please, pretty please?" She is whining and she's batting her long lashes. Casey could never deny those baby blues gazing up at her.

With a sigh Casey gets up and takes the spare controller, chuckling at the thrilled giggle that roars from her child. She's losing, missing arrows at her uncoordinated steps but she's laughing because _Emily_ is laughing at her and taunting her. She got that from Casey and the ginger always smiles from cheek to cheek when that sarcasm shows through her offspring.

_Least I did something right._

* * *

><p>Casey is utterly spent from the workout her daughter has her on. She's dying on the mat, while Emily only has a bead of sweat trailing down her temple.<p>

_Seven-year olds. _

"Honey," Casey whispers out breathlessly, moving from the mat to flop on the couch. "I can't…mommy's tired and needs to take a break."

Emily is too busy dominating the dancefloor to notice and, or, respond.

Casey runs her fingers through her dampen locks and lets out a sigh as she hears knocking on her door. "Seriously?" she sighs in a whine. The distance between her huge living room and the door is far. God's just _not _her friend today.

The knocking appears more pointed as she finally, reluctantly, gets up from the couch and trudges toward the door. "Hold your horses," she calls out as she looks through the peephole and gasps as she sees the body through the small hole.

_What the hell is she doing here?_

A few turns of the lock and Olivia is in sight. She's clad in her usual black mid-leather jacket, orange tank, and black slacks. She probably doesn't try, Casey thinks, but Olivia always oozes sex and confidence when she rocks leather.

Besides the exertion from her intense workout with her daughter, Casey is out of breath and truly lost for words. Somehow she manages a "Hey" as she rubs her sweaty forehead with the back of hand.

She probably looks awful. While Olivia looks like a hot stud, she's clad in a loose gray softball t-shirt, navy blue shorts, and athletic sneakers. _Thanks for calling. _

"Pardon the mess," Casey self-deprecatingly snorts as she pinches her sweaty shirt, and widens the door for the detective.

Olivia chuckles but her eyes stays down Casey's midsection longer than usual or necessary. Casey wants to smirk, or at least say something witty and sarcastic, but Olivia honestly looks unsettled and awkward in her shifty gaze that Casey could only sigh and fold her arms.

"Uh…do you wanna come in?" This time Casey can't stop the teasing in her tone but Olivia either doesn't detects it, or doesn't care to respond as she walks inside.

She walks in so she is out of her doorway but not enough to be further into her living room. _Something must be wrong. _"Is everything alright?"

"Uh yeah…" is her awkward reply as she rakes her fingers through her chestnut locks, ruffling it up a bit. _I'm really jealous of those fingers right now…_

"I was just in the neighborhood and…well…" Casey is truly confused as she looks in the detective's eyes. She honestly doesn't know what she wants until she furrows her brow and frowns. "Liv my daughter is home," she hisses.

Olivia's natural spitfire personality growls in response, but for a moment Olivia truly looks offended. "You think I don't know that?"

"Well you…you never come over unless…well you know…" Casey's eyes dim as she remembers that unlike Olivia, she doesn't have someone to come home to. She is just a convenience, a playful component in Olivia's sex life. Olivia doesn't want commitment because she has it from someone else. Someone Olivia risks her life for everyday.

She'll never be that way for Casey.

"I'll…" Olivia seriously looks unsettled. "I'll leave you alone if… that's what you want."

She is already beginning to leave and Casey feels herself impulsively blurt. "Do you… want some coffee, or something?"

The detective stops moving, but she doesn't turn around. This must be hard for her, to show weakness, what Casey wouldn't even consider weakness, but her vulnerability. To show a side of her that doesn't consist of growling at perps, or groaning wordlessly from Casey pleasuring her. Now the ginger could see the detective for who she is- outside of work and _inside _her pants.

And when she turns around with that soft, tentative smile, Casey knows she'll like what she will see.

* * *

><p>Casey leads the detective into the living room, smiling at her daughter still dancing intensively at her game. Now the little one has her baby blue shirt drenched with sweat, and her little legs glisten from her hard work and determination. The ginger is relentless.<p>

She hears the detective chuckle beside her, and Casey brings her own smile to her face when she sees the detective gazing up at her. She knows Olivia could do it. She shows nothing but sympathy and care for the child victims they unfortunately have to deal with. She wonders why Olivia hasn't had any with Elliot- though she couldn't stomach herself if they did. It is bad enough that she is a homewrecker; the last thing she'll do is interfere with a child's family.

She might break someone's face if someone ever tried to take Emily from her.

"She's been on that thing all day," Casey notes with a smile.

"And someone looks like they went on a couple of rides, or two," Olivia smirks, eyeing the blatant sweat in the middle of the ginger's gray t-shirt.

"Hey," Casey pouts at Olivia in faux offensiveness; the way her daughter mirrors the same look when she can't get her way. "Can you really deny that face?" she teases, pointing to her little girl, who bits her tiny lip and coyly gazes at the floor.

"No." It isn't how the detective responds; her reply is short and to the point. It's how her eyes gawks on the ginger's with such potency, such sincerity, such…passion that nearly knocks the A.D.A off her feet.

_Why do you do this to me?_

She could gaze in those beautiful brown eyes forever, but a slight pull on the hem of her shirt brings her back to reality. "Yes dear?" Casey mumbles eyeing her quiet daughter, watching the small ginger's head to the floor.

Emily is said to be a very outgoing child amongst other children, according to her teachers, but when she gets around other adults she always seem uncomfortable. Casey doesn't like that.

"I'm sleepy…" is her murmured reply, following an adorable eye rub with her small fist.

"From dancing your little butt off all day, huh?" Casey teases her little girl but she remains quiet. It makes her frown, but she looks over to the detective and whispers "Still shy."

It is her surprise when Olivia crouches down to Emily's level. "You know what's cooler than touching a gun?" she asks in that soft, playful tone.

Emily looks up, intrigued, but not enough to brighten her mood.

Olivia goes for something on her waist and Casey smiles when she sees the detective hand her daughter her badge. Emily eyes lighten up at the gold as her little hand caresses it, but Casey knows her daughter and knows when she's hiding something.

"How is this better than a gun?" she asks curiously at the detective, furrowing her small brow. "You shoot anything with a stupid badge."

"Emily!" Casey hisses and her child freezes with an apologetic gaze.

She thinks Olivia will be offended but the detective just softly chuckles. "Well," Olivia smiles some more. "It's not the badge really that's better than the gun. It's what the badge represents. It represents the true hard work and the dedication, and the love we as police officers have to keep this city safe. To keep pretty girls like you" Olivia playfully pokes her giggling daughter's arm as she speaks her words "safe. Many people have guns, but very few have these," she smiles; that golden smile that has her daughter smiling from ear-to-ear.

"Now what would you rather touc-" Before Olivia could get the words out, Emily is already jumping in the air shouting "The badge! The badge! The badge!"

"That's what I thought," Olivia softly chuckles as she stands back on her feet.

Casey couldn't keep the blush rising on her cheeks as she cheekily smiles up at the detective, with her expression just as innocent and adorning as her seven year old. Olivia is so good with kids- so good with _her _kid.

_It'll be so perfect if you were mine…_

Her pessimistic thought shakes her back into reality. Back to the fact that her tongue is the only prize possession Olivia wants. But again, for her child's sake, she strains to put on a grin and returns her attention to the mini ginger.

"Still sleepy?"

Emily seems to be in a more at eased mood, but her wide eyes droop a bit as she shakes her head. Her little Emily never likes to admit when she's tired.

"I have the bath water waiting for you already. You take a quick bath-"

"Mom," she groans, tilting her head up.

"Emily," Casey whines back, sticking her tongue out. "Hurry up before the water gets cold, and call me if you need anything. Okay?"

Her daughter gives her a daring look and Casey mirrors it; hardening her green orbs. Another trait she gets from her father: learning everyway to pick her damn buttons.

Eventually Emily gives up with a sigh and walks off, only to stop and stares at Olivia. "I like you," she says, her voice soft, a slight grin flirting around her diminutive features.

Casey watches the detective smile warmly back at her, and she could feel her chest tighten.

_I like her too, Emily. _

**A/N: Just a little tiny chapter. Very light mood. I was lazy and put their talk in the next chapter. Reviews are love! **


	6. Truth

**A/N: Another small, but more revealing chapter. **

Olivia couldn't stop smiling when Casey leads her into the kitchen. Emily really likes her, and apparently that is important to her. A small, little girl she just met yesterday sought her approval and had the detective's cheeks flushing. Thank god Casey is in front; she couldn't live if the A.D.A sees her more than a good time and a diligent detective. Those are the only good traits the detective has anyway.

"Sugar?" Casey asks, scooping up the white crystals in the spoon.

"Two."

"Kay…cream?"

"One."

Casey prepares both of their coffees and sets them on the island while the detective and A.D.A sits on the red barstools. They remain silent for long moments; the low rasping sounds of their coffee sipping are the only sounds radiating the large kitchen. Olivia doesn't know what to say really. They never speak unless it involves work, and they never drink coffee when she is over here. It's usually wine to loosen the slight jitters and anxiety they get before Casey settles into the talent Olivia learns she has.

But here Olivia is, silent as ever with a hot coffee cup in her hand. Boy she kill for a drink right now, but she remembers there is a child present in the apartment. _Her _child. She couldn't help the feeling of betrayal she has for the ginger at this moment. She knows they don't speak much of their personal lives, but a _kid? _That should be common knowledge. It makes Olivia blurt, squeak in a helpless whisper, "You could've told me."

Casey isn't stupid; she knows what Olivia is talking about. But for some reason Casey remains silent and continues to stir her coffee. But Olivia doesn't want to push.

So Olivia, as well, begins stirring her coffee as she gazes at the dark brown liquid. It is only Casey's belated response that makes her head pop up.

"Shortly after Charlie's…problem I realized that I couldn't do it anymore. And when he attacked me… I had to get out." she watches the redhead visually shiver at that. Casey never explained the attack in full detail, but considering there were bruises and cuts and a closed _police _report, it must've been serious. But Olivia is too modest to ask.

"I…he was at bar and…well…he was there," she roughly snorts at that as she downs her drink. Casey's eyes read the shame she thinks she's hiding in her stoned face. "I thought that was a one time fling. That I was his whore for a night and I never had to see him again but…god likes to torment me," she grimly smiles as she stares into coffee mug.

When Olivia furrows her brow, Casey chuckles and snorts "What? You're not the only one who experienced the wonders of this tongue."

For some odd compelling reason, Olivia finds a groan within her throat. Something about Casey's words, how she says it, that low sultry voice, sends a flutter down her stomach. But she only snorts because she's afraid of her voice.

"Turns out he's an investor for a mutual friend's business- Trevor is an investor relation's director. We saw each other more often and…one thing led to another and…yeah, Emily was born."

Olivia makes a nod, finishing the rest of her drink. "So…you're bisexual?"

"No," Casey chuckles as she shakes her head.

The detective arches a brow. "Well…you gotta kid-"

"I screwed a guy- doesn't mean I liked it." Suddenly her face hardens and the detective swallows saliva as she shuts her mouth. "I mean…" she sighs, "I…I figured if I wanted to be an attorney- a political-climbing attorney- I had to be straight. I figured if I just closed my eyes, my urge for women would just die out. Well, that was stupid of me."

Again, the ginger gets the detective to flinch. Somehow, even though the story is clearly speaking of her experiences, the detective feels that is afflicted toward her own situation. Perhaps it's Casey's dark humor attacking her. Or perhaps Olivia had a guilty conscience.

"We started seeing each other and…he asked me to marry him," Her smile turns wistful, "and I said yes. But I didn't want to, and I knew it then but…I was still in denial. But Trevor did it in such a beautiful restaurant, surrounded by hundreds of people. I couldn't embarrass him with a no."

"But somehow I feel he wasn't too thrilled when you called it off."

She shakes her red hair out of her face. "I told him the same night and he was furious. He called me a selfish bitch, and my life was fanned on myself and my job. That's the thing about Trevor; he never admits when he's at fault. He thinks it's always something wrong with someone else. But this time he was right; it was me. I love women and…I didn't want to feel trapped in a marriage."

"Can't blame you for that," Olivia replies truthfully. She could remember when her ex asked her to marry him as a teenager, and how she pathetically accepted to get rid of her mother. Taking care of her mother was a commitment within itself, and she knew in the long run she couldn't get into another one.

"Trevor sure did," Casey darkly snorts, eyes and frown growing somber. "The custody battle was the real torture. He…he…he had a private investigator follow me around and…he took pictures of me being intimate with a woman and displayed it to the judge."

Olivia gasps as she furrows her brow; watching the ginger's jaw clench within her pale skin. "But you fought and you won, right?"

Casey doesn't answer.

"Right?" Olivia repeats, voice straining in desperation. "Emily deserves full time with her mother."

"I would be a single mother, who works seventy-five hours a week. I am comfortable, but I'm far from rich. Trevor… his inheritance is my five-year salary- maybe even more. He works less hours than I, and he works mostly from home. And his grandfather found oil and…" the ginger's voice grows low. Weak. Defeated.

"It didn't help that I was being assigned to sex crimes. So…I see her every other week….and we alternate holidays. It's my turn this year."

"So…you let him separate you from your daughter?" Olivia snaps out, truly appalled. It seems like Casey wasn't that motivated to retrieve her daughter back.

"Of course not!" she snaps back, hissing under her breath. "My hands were tied. Trevor is a snake, a great manipulator. He wanted me to be his wife and I turned him down. _That's _why he did this! He wanted a wife, not an attorney. And when I refused to fall back to the fifties- _his _version of a 'good' wife- he displayed to the court that I am an overworked, emotionally unavailable, lesbian deviant. He batted his big blue eyes and his beautiful smile, and he had the judge! I did everything I could, settled with dropping my hours tremendously- transferring to white collar, but it still did no good. So don't you sit here and tell me that I didn't do everything I could because you have _no _idea what it's like to have your child taken from you!"

Olivia truly feels like a total ass. How dare she totally undermine a mother's love for her child and not expect a verbal lashing. But the true beating is the fact that Casey isn't screaming and hollering with eloquent obscenities. It's the fact that she is silent, her face stoned as a mask, and her eyes glisten with unshed tears. Just the circling liquid from her beautiful green eyes sends a jolt to her heart, and a few of her own set of guilt begins to show within her brown eyes.

"Case…" the detective could barely speak from the lump in her throat. It is what the attorney says that truly makes her insides burn.

"I think that as well; everyday. I think that…maybe I didn't work hard enough, or fight enough, or I was so wrapped in my career to know that Trevor is really right and-"

Casey truly self-deprecatingly rambling on about how much of a terrible mother she is and Olivia couldn't take it. "Case!" she interrupts. "You did everything you could and-"

"No I didn't," she fervently shakes her head. "Had I just married Trevor and quit my job-"

"You would've resented Emily for making you choose to stop something you love and are passionate about," Olivia counters without missing a beat. "You would've been a mindless robot who only cooks and cleans and…that's not you. And you could close your eyes and say you like it, but eventually you're going to get fed up. You would've been so numb that you would do anything to feel _something _again. That could've turned out for the worst."

Olivia couldn't keep her eyes off her when she says this to the ginger. She needs proof that she's listening. That she realizes she is a wonderful mother who should never doubt that again. That Olivia would give anything to be half the mother she was…

"Thank you," Casey whispers, tentatively, as if she was afraid of the detective's response.

"I was just telling the truth," Olivia smiles back.

****A/N: Again still don't know where I'm going with this. Suggestions/feedback would be nice. I promise the word count will get bigger with more chapters. Reviews will only get chapter seven!**  
><strong>


	7. Reminisce

**A/N: Mad drama and lack of reviews were reasons of my delay.**

Olivia actually sticks around with Casey as she helps the ginger tidy up the house. It hasn't been long, but Casey is still not used to the mess that a little seven-year old can make after she plays with her toys. But Olivia just gives a nonchalant chuckle and continues to sweep up the blue pixie dust candy. They finish fairly quickly, considering it was two sets of diligent hands; just enough time for a groggy Emily to trudge into the living room with her bugs bunny matching pajamas, and scarlet hair pulled into a sloppy ponytail.

Through her lethargic state, her blue eyes widen at the sight of the detective and the ginger couldn't stop the smile on her face. Emily has always been shy and reserved, even with her family members, but with Olivia it is like talking to another fellow second-grader.

And Casey is thrilled.

"Why aren't you saving the day?" she points accusingly at the detective; her tone hoarse from the sleep in her throat.

Olivia chuckles. "It's my day off. Now it's other police officer's turn to protect pretty girls like you."

"Oh," is she drawled reply. "Mommy saves the day, too," she says her tone snide and very proud for her mother.

"I know she does," Olivia crouches down while she gives the A.D.A an endearing smile. "I watch her everyday. You know she _really _puts the bad guys away, you know."

"No," is her cute rebuttal. "Mommy doesn't have a gun and a badge to put the bad guys away."

"Mommy has her own badge," Olivia smiles down, clearly amused with the little girl's battle. "_I _am the one who catches the bad guys. _She _is the one that puts them in jail."

The little one scratches the side of her head, then smiles, somewhat satisfied. "Mommy is that true?"

"Well yeah…" Casey smiles back. "But Olivia is being shy," she makes a coy look to the detective before she settles onto her daughter's. "She and all the other detectives think of the bad guy, find him, and prove that he is the bad guy with evidence. I just tell the judge what they found. No big deal."

"It's still pretty hard to do." Olivia's eyes never leave the A.D.A's; those strong browns stuck on the ginger's face. _This _is the Olivia she likes: the nice, caring, sympathetic detective that unknowingly puts everyone else before herself. Not the stubborn, emotionally-deflective, _not _single, one who only seeks for her tongue.

Emily makes a giggle as she points at her mother. She doesn't know for what specifically, and doesn't care to ask. When Emily is put on the spot she freezes and Casey doesn't want that. She lives to hear her little bug's youthful laugh.

"You know what time is it?" She asks happily as she grabs her mother's hand.

"Um…you tell me," Casey replies with a smirk, chuckling when the little one dangles their conjoined hands in the air. She doesn't have proof just yet, but she knows Emily wants something.

"It's three-thirty," she makes another giggle but Casey can see the little show the mini-ginger is commencing.

"Uh-huh. And?" Now she knows what the little one wants, but she feels like teasing her a bit.

As expected, a small frown is made on the seven-year old's face. "You said we could go to the park at three-thirty."

Casey softly chuckles. "That was before you had me on that intense workout over there."

Emily's frown shifts into a quivering pout, and Casey already knows what that means.

She is about to ball her big eyes out.

"But I'll do what I promised because…well I promised, and I never break my promises." The little ginger is already jumping for joy and Casey could feel her own smile around her face, along with an intensive set of eyes on her. It is a surprise really; with the burning of her profile she would think that Olivia would be glaring at her, but it is the total opposite with those browns laying softly on her green, along with an admirable grin that makes Casey want to just melt.

"Can she come too?" Emily coos as she points up at the detective; naïve to the fact that she just spiked a plank in her mother's heart. Olivia doesn't want this, to actually acquaint herself with anything but the ginger's tongue, but of course she couldn't tell her daughter that. Instead, her mind tries to scramble for some excuse that'll disappoint her child but all she is left with are mumbles and stumbles over words.

"Well…you see… it's Olivia's day off and…" She could see that frown slowly returning to the ginger's face and the A.D.A darts up at the detective's, begging for some leeway.

Praise the woman's soul when the detective makes a small smile and crouches down to the pouting ginger's level and says "I would be honored to accompany you."

* * *

><p>"You're such a sucker," Olivia snickers as the two of them sit on the nearby bench, watching Emily happily push herself on the swing.<p>

The ginger makes a soft smile back at her, but she doesn't say anything. It is a look that Olivia couldn't keep her eyes off of. She doesn't know why, but those green eyes seemed more vivacious when her daughter is around. She seemed more calm, at eased, rather than the stoic wall she puts up during work. It is ironic really, Olivia thinks. Before she hated that Casey seemed so easy and open to Olivia without question, but now she loves to see the ginger smile gracefully at her- or her daughter; it didn't matter to her. Things are changing between them and it scares Olivia to think that she could possibly feel more than the reactions from the ginger's tongue.

_Son of a bitch. _

"I'm sorry," Casey whispers to her, tearing her eyes away from her daughter. It was reluctant, Olivia sees that, but she isn't offended. It is just Casey's maternal instinct to protect her own and considering their occupation and the horrors they endure everyday, it is best to be a little paranoid than ignorant to the truth.

To calm the ginger's nerves, that Olivia somehow felt was unease, she turns to face the little ginger who is giggling lightly as the swing takes her in the air. "For what?"

"For dragging you out here on your day off," Casey sighs. "I imagine you don't want to watch a seven-year old all day. I'm sure you want to relax, or be with Elliot or something."

She hears the grumble in the ginger's last comment, and it almost brings a sigh to her own lips. She still doesn't understand the jealousy Casey carries for her boyfriend. She should be flattered, Olivia thinks, that _she _was the one that sends the detective over the edge, not Elliot. That _she _is the one that can reach that special place that Elliot strives, and in most times are in denial of achieving, to be. _Olivia_ would be a bit smug if she had a perceivably stoic woman pleading shamefully to be fucked. So why can't Casey think like that?

"It's fine," Olivia throws a smile at the ginger, before she settles her eyes on the little one. "Emily is…from what I've seen Emily is quite the character."

"You have _no _idea," Casey chuckles softly, giving a slight shake of the head. Again Olivia finds her eyes glued to that smile, those slight dimples that cut just enough skin in those hollow cheeks. _What the hell are you doing? _Her conscience chastises her. It shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't have her eyes glued on those wonderful eyes, or smile at the beautiful giggle. Her daughter shouldn't be a factor, but…it's funny how things never work out for the detective.

"Elliot…Elliot is with Kathy and the kids this weekend. Uh, Maureen and Kathleen came home for college and…it was a family thing." She didn't need to be reminded of how much of a home-wrecking whore she is. She didn't need to see a family set of eyes boring holes through her with shame and disgust, though it wouldn't go undeserved. And she didn't need the reminder that she'll never be blessed enough to have her own big family like he did. "It was a family thing…" she repeats lowly, letting the words seep in her head. _You'll never be his family. _

Cool fingers grasp her own, that lay on the wooden bench. It isn't a tight hold, or a possessive one. It is quite the contrary; tentative, subtle, hesitant… Three fingers lightly caress olive ones- which make the detective gasp.

She wants to look over, to see the reasons of Casey's soft gesture, but she couldn't. She couldn't trust herself, trust her voice, her expression, she couldn't let a small chance of vulnerability show within a glance.

Before she could feel too much, appreciate the warm caress of the A.D.A's hand, Olivia moves her hand out of Casey's and lets out a sigh as she takes out her phone; pretending she is interested in some app on her the gizmo. She hears the ginger sigh as well, hers more low and resonant, more like a groan of disappointment. _Your life'll be full of disappointments if you stay with me…_

Silence envelops the two of them, and to Olivia it feels like a dark blanket smothering her whole. She wants to let Casey in, maybe not in the way the ginger would like, but she wants her into her emotional circle. The woman was sweeter than she thought, more than just a good time and it scared her. But she couldn't deny, even if she says she's not a lesbian till she's blue in the face, that there is something there besides the love for her mouth.

_Life can't just be easy for me…_

* * *

><p>It's been about twenty minutes and Casey and Olivia still haven't said a word. Both of their eyes lay glued on the laughing child, who grew bored of the swing and now settled on the monkey bars. Olivia somehow seeks comfort in the optimistic child constantly conquering the jungle-Jim rather than opening a conversation that she didn't know how to start.<p>

"How did we get here?"

Casey is first to talk, and that doesn't surprise Olivia. The ginger seems to be relentless in her professional life and impulsive in her personal. Her capriciousness is probably the reason for her desperation for emotional attachment, but Olivia tries to shrug it off. She has enough problems taming her own hormones and emotions; she is in no mood assisting another's.

Olivia faces the ginger, whose green eyes are aligned with the distance of the atmosphere- as if there was a thick dark figure that everyone could see. She is probably ashamed as well, Olivia thinks. She always makes Casey look like a damn fool whenever the A.D.A brings up a personal topic, and the detective is aware of that. It isn't intentional, for the most part, but it is a defense mechanism she uses to keep people at bay- and it works for _most _people. Apparently this one is pigheaded. _Just like you…_

The detective snorts. "I don't know, you tell me."

Olivia knows how she and Casey got in this situation, but she doesn't like to think of it. It reminds her how weak she is, how much of an unfaithful whore she's become, and for _what? _For an hour, sometimes less if Elliot calls, of mind-blowing sex? Was she that desperate for physical stimulation that she'll go just about _anywhere _to find it- even in a woman? Apparently so, since she finds herself in the same position on Casey's bed for the past three weeks.

But now, she couldn't get her mind off of the visual.

* * *

><p><em><span>Three weeks earlier... <span>_

_Olivia trudges herself out of the squad car, that she and Elliot unfortunately just fucked in, and lets out a groan as she cracks her neck. This isn't the first time she's done it; they've done it frequently because Elliot thought it was 'hot'. But besides the literal flaws of it- the tight condensed space, the irritating panting in her face, the mortifying thought of getting caught- the fact that the stimulation isn't reciprocated always bothered her. It isn't intention either, Olivia soon realizes. Her boyfriend is constantly touching her during, and he touches her where it's 'supposed' to _feel _right- kneading her breasts, grazing her sides, cupping her center- but it just comes off as annoying and unsatisfying nudges. She has tried many different approaches- various positions, different body oils, toys, porn- but it all follows with the same result with Elliot releasing with such intensity while her heart barely races. But she figures she'll live with it, if she could have a kind loving man like him, forever. _

_It still didn't help cure the obvious. _

_Overlooking that, and plastering a smile at the man smiling goofily at her through the car, she walks up to the tall court building, ready to demand Casey for that warrant. She didn't call her because she knew that the A.D.A wouldn't pick up, considering this case has them walking on eggshells. Olivia will admit, to herself of course and _no one _else, that she was wrong to bring up Casey's schizophrenic ex-boyfriend during their battle, but she wanted to get under the ginger's skin after the younger woman blatantly told her that she was only fighting tenaciously for this case to get revenge for Elliot's attack by a perp, and not for the fact that she wanted justice for a nine-year old girl that was raped. It annoys her that Casey thinks so little of her, and to be honest Olivia didn't want to see her face, but she will swallow her pride if it means gaining righteous justice for Susan. _

_She feels the adrenaline in her veins from their previous argument, remembering how close she was to slapping the ginger. She could feel the anger, the insults, the embarrassment that the ginger got a reaction from her, and she didn't realize that she is now charging to the A.D.A's office, and just when she remembers the ginger spitting "You just want to do this because Elliot is always your hero, and you don't want to be the desperate damsel in distress for once in your life!" the ferocity takes over her and she all but breaks the door open. _

_Boy she should've knocked. _

_For a moment she couldn't see much; the anger of her own emotions and temper veiled her vision of the scene in front of her into a blurred red. But when she hears two sets of gasps and takes time to _look _at their position, she realizes what she just walked in to. Casey, all wild-haired, clothes scrunched up, between a brunette's legs, which Olivia quickly identifies as Abbie Carmichael. It takes a moment for her to actually come up with a response because the Texan is frightened beyond her mind, as she pushes Casey off and desperately searches for her shirt that she finds on the carpet. _

_"Abbie wait up," Casey calls out as she sets her own feet on the floor, but the brunette is already on her feet, ready to bolt. "Baby c'mon, relax!" The ginger grabs the flustered brunette's waist and stills her movements. _

_Olivia is still in shock, eyeing the tall woman who desperately tries to put her white button-up on. She could hear the A.D.A coaxing the Texan so she won't have a panic attack, and it works after a few hip rubs and gently kisses to the temple. They look so sweet, Olivia thinks to herself after the initial shock wears off._

_"Just relax," she smiles at the brunette, whose breathing finally evens out. "Olivia isn't naïve. I'm sure she's seen people in alternative relationships- no need for to panic hon."_

_The green-eyed A.D.A keeps her eyes on the detective though she's speaking softly to the Texan and massaging her waist. _

_"Detective Benson?" the Texan asks shakily, but Olivia already shakes her head. _

_"I didn't see anything," Olivia assures, running her fingers through her own disheveled hair. _

_"Thank you," Abbie grins sheepishly, still with a faint blush across her cheeks as she gives Casey one last kiss and walks out, closing the door behind her. _

_The detective and the A.D.A are currently in a stare-off; shameless green glaring at abashed brown. With time Casey finally says something- because Olivia didn't know if she could trust her voice for some reason. _

_"I'm not giving you the warrant, Benson!" _

_Warrant, what warrant? She thinks to herself before she realizes that is the reason why she stormed in there in the first place. With a shake of the head, Olivia begins her speech but Casey cuts her off. _

_"Look I'd love to sit and chat with you, but I have to handle my business downstairs since you interrupted me," Casey snorts. _

_Olivia arches a brow, then blushes when she gets the gist of the ginger's words. Now that the subject is brought back into the light, Olivia finds her eyes drawn to the flush on the ginger's cheek and neck. Or the friskiness that was once a straight blood-hued bun, now lay curly over her glistening face. The first two buttons of her crimson collared shirt is unbuttoned, with the third dangerously close to opening, exposing a black-lace bra and cleavage that Olivia couldn't keep her eyes off. It only took a not-so-amused clear of the throat that brought her back to reality. _

_"It looks like you just had fun with _your_ boyfriend," Casey bitterly chuckles. "I wouldn't interrupt you, though it's really hard to butt into five minutes," she snorts silently, running her fingers through her scarlet hair. _

_"Excuse me?" Olivia barks, shock and wonder leaving her face. Casey isn't nothing but right, but it was very rude to say of her. "What I do with my significant other is none of your bus-"_

_"Oh c'mon," she guffaws. "You just had sex and you're mad as hell. I can't even argue with you because Abbie…is…heaven," Casey smirks smugly before she bites her lip._

_Olivia feels a rage of jealousy spark within herself when she hears that. Now that she thinks of it with a more calm approach, she could remember pleasurable grunts and whimpers before she slammed the door open. It isn't fair that everyone else seems to have a vibrant sex life, and she is the only one who has to take care of her own needs when she _has _a boyfriend._

_Silence envelops them again, and now the ginger's expression turns sympathetic. "Hey look…that was really immature of me," she sighs. "With what I said before and now…"_

_Olivia nods her head, but she doesn't say anything. She still has a feeling of awkwardness and inadequacy swarming within her body. _

_Especially her core. _

_And though she is still extremely flustered and irritated with Casey, she is also aroused and sexually-frustrated from Elliot. _

_"So…__Carmichael__ is your girlfriend?" she asks curiously, running her fingers through her hair, trying to switch the subject. _

_Casey arches her brow amusingly, but whatever she initially wanted to say she looks past it. "Uh…no," she grins. "Just an old friend."_

_"Little more than a friend, huh?" Olivia snorts and Casey smirks back. She is glad that she and the ginger are on somewhat good terms, and the detective feels confident to explain her issues._

_When Olivia completes her somewhat embarrassing story, Casey lets out a sigh and taps the detective's thigh. "It's unfortunate that a caring, beautiful woman like yourself can't…it sucks to do everything on your own."_

_"Indeed," the detective groans, tilting her head back until it collides with the wall. _

_Casey looks at her for a moment then drifts her eyes elsewhere, until it connects with the detective with an impish glint. It unsettles the detective slightly. "Um…why are you looking at me like that?" _

_She doesn't reply but keeps her eyes on the detective. _

_"Casey? What is your…what do you want?" she asks, her voice slightly clogged. _

_"I just…I have an idea that suits your problem," she smirks wickedly, continuing to rub the brunette's thigh. _

_Olivia furrows her brow until she remembers _how _she caught Casey in the first place. _

_Then her eyes widen. _

_"No," she zealously shakes her head. "Casey, I'm not…I don't have a problem with, but I'm not…"_

_"You don't have to be," is her sultry reply, green eyes aligned to the detective's plump lips. _

_"I have a boyfriend Casey!" she hisses out, folding her arms across her chest. _

_"I am aware of that." She inches closer, her hand rising up to her thigh, but Olivia is too stunned to remove it. _

_So she _thought_. _

_"He's a functioning straight male who would probably seek pleasure with the thought of his woman with another. You deserve this, Liv. You help everyone else but you can't engage in your own set of hedonism-"_

_"Elliot is my hedonism!" she needs to remain adamant about this claim because Olivia is beginning to see only the positives and not the blatant negative in this situation. _

_"I'm sure he's a nice guy, who probably wants to pleasure you as much as you do for him. But, before you probably file a sexual harassment suit, may I ask you a question?"_

_Olivia really wants to break face, but if she answers this question, hopefully Casey'll leave her alone. _

_"What, Novak?" she barks._

_"Why haven't you moved my hand?" _

_And when Olivia looks down at the A.D.A's hand with widened eyes, watching it cup her center- eliciting a sharp groan from the detective- she realizes that she couldn't deny what she just felt. What she _wants_ to feel with Elliot. _

_There was no point of denying herself…_

Olivia shakes the lustful images of Casey's head far wedged in between her legs, rubbing her sides, and stroking her to bliss when she watches the ginger rise from her seat- ready to grab her daughter. When she gets up as well her fingers brush against the ginger's and she immediately feels a spark, an ember so powerful that somehow seems to surpass Elliot's when he gives the same gesture.

Immediately she looks away and moves her hand, afraid that Casey saw that. That she'll add that to her evidence at how much of a big fat lesbian she claims Olivia to be. But suddenly her fingers ache for that touch, just that faint presence that made her feel... at ease.

With a deep breath she begins to walk with Casey to meet her daughter, trying to crush the urge to hold the A.D.A's hand, which is growing more difficult as they walk and her arms naturally swing. With each step the urge gets stronger. Her fingers seem to get closer and closer, but the desire is so strong that it feels like she's miles away.

But when she feels them, feels that finger that suddenly feels scorching, link with her middle finger, the borderline painful itch is deaden and…bliss comes along. She couldn't help but smile as her eyes slowly, tentatively, rises to the ginger. Luckily Casey's expression is a mirror; green eyes smiling adoringly at her. The anxiety is still there, and it'll probably gnaw her bones until she gets home and is able to analyze this dilemma in solitude, but as of now, she couldn't stop herself from thinking.

_You complete me…_

**A/N: I wasn't going to finish this story because I sort of lost inspiration for it, but Holly Version 2.0 and Case-Oli made me stick it through. Thanks ya!**

**Reviews will only get chapter eight!**


	8. Loss

**A/N: I'm mad at the world and I'm going to take it out on Casey. As if Dick Wolf and Olivia didn't do enough of that by not letting our favorite A.D.A and detective be together. Gotta little cruel with the language; hope it is tasteful and still rated T. It's six in the morning, so all mistakes are mine. I'll check it out this afternoon. **

The thought flows through her, roars within her body in a scolding tone, reminding her how preposterous it sounds. There couldn't be _two _people who completes her, and Elliot is the man she'll spend her life with; not Casey. It had to be the side affects of her mental stimulation of reminiscing about her first sexual encounter with Casey. It _had _to be! It just…shit, there Olivia goes making her life complicated and difficult again! Elliot was supposed to change that about her and make her life a fairytale. But ironically…he seems to be the birth of her complications.

But she shakes that away when her middle finger that is still linked with the ginger, is being pulled in a south-west position. She looks down to find Emily with her diminutive facial muscles in a scowl. Olivia furrows her brow, confused, wondering why she suddenly got on the little one's bad side and then plasters a smile when she watches the small girl wedge herself between the two adults; holding the hand that was once enclosed with the detective's. Olivia is ready to make a sigh, upset about the constant reminder that she wouldn't belong in _anyone's _family, but then smiles when she finds Emily with her small hand extended and that cheery smile returning on her flushed face.

Olivia accepts it without a thought and gives Casey a glance, whose eyes are aligned with her own. Those green eyes looking playfully, even comfortably at her reminds Olivia why what seems to be a preposterous thought came through her mind in the first place. For a moment she feels warmth, coming from her hand and her heart. She feels at peace- natural like a breath of air. It is a placid feeling that she could sadly get use to- sadly meaning that she'll have to make some changes _if _she decides she wants this feeling for life. But this warm, sultry feeling enveloping her heart dissipates when she feels a vibration coming from her pocket.

_Elliot. _

Looking down at the phone, she makes a sigh then looks up at the ginger with an apologetic gaze. For a moment those green eyes dim but she takes a deep breath, not wanting to upset her daughter.

"Um…Emmy?" she says softly, eyeing the small ginger beside her.

"Huh?" she smiles and Olivia could feel her heart clench. She couldn't let Casey be the cause of the inevitable pain on the little one's face. No, it wouldn't be fair. It is bad enough the poor girl's heart is on a respirator as is.

Before the A.D.A could make a sound the detective is already on it with an "Emily…it appears that I just caught a case and-"

"Now?" is her saddened reply as she stops walking and gazes up at the brunette.

_You're not making this easy, kid… _

"I'm sorry, honey," she whispers as she crouches to her level.

"Well," a small sigh slips from her lips as she grabs a tendril of the detective's hair, rolling it between her small fingers, "if you have to save the day then…" a small smile creeps across her pale skin as she tucks the strand behind Olivia's ear. "Go get'em!"

Her teeth immediately go for her plump lip as she looks down at the adoring girl in front of her. Emily wouldn't have this same jubilant expression if she knew the things Olivia has done to her mom. The constant heartache Olivia puts her through. The promises Olivia could never fulfill. That blissful feeling of jubilance Olivia gives her for that small duration, until she goes home to her boyfriend.

Now she's passing it along to her daughter; what a shame.

Apparently Casey sees it when she frowns down at the detective. She must've saw through Olivia's lie to leave. It was wrong, but she _had _to. For some reason the little one's opinion matters to her.

"Emily," Casey looks down at her daughter with a clenched jaw, her tone strained as if she is holding back her anger, "why don't you go back on the swing for a few minutes, okay?"

Olivia could hear the ice Casey's low tone, and Emily stiffens at it as well. "But mom, I'm tired-"

"Five minutes, honey," Casey's eyes remain dark on Olivia's, but her tone is just as focused as if she is gazing at her daughter.

"But ma-"

"Now!" Casey barks down at the badgering girl who sharply gasps as she scurries to the swingset and flops on the swing.

Olivia looks across the park at the little girl on the swing, watching her kick her little feet as her head dips to the floor. Her despondence makes the detective frown. "Casey?" Olivia stands on her feet as she runs her fingers through her hair. "Don't you think you were a little hard on her?"

"Don't tell me how to treat my daughter," she snaps, brow furrowed as she folds her arms across her chest.

That comment makes the detective flinch, but the sudden change in tone surprises her. "Okay," Olivia outwardly recovers as she smoothly mirrors the A.D.A's posture, but something gnawing on her belly makes the remark stick. "I didn't mean to-"

"Of course you didn't," goes yet another cold reply. "You don't mean a lot of things!"

Anger takes over Olivia's confusion as she glares at the ginger and spits "You got something to say, Novak? Then just spit it out!"

"It's one thing to toy with my heart. I don't know why I let you do. Maybe I'm stupid, or am a masochist- whatever," she frustratingly shakes her head. "But don't you dare taint my daughter's sudden adoration for you and perverse it with justice, because we both know damn well you're about to sit there and fake another orgasm with Stabler!"

The accusation, the truthful accusation, makes a gasp roar from her chest so intense that she actually shakes with fury. She is too close, Casey has slipped through her heart and that once blissful feeling trails to a sudden nightmare she can't wake up from. Olivia chose this, she could've said no back in the office, but no, the thought of pleasure elated her mind and caused her to do something stupid like cheat on Stabler and fall for Novak. _What? _Her thoughts are racing all at once and she didn't even notice that thought slip into her brain.

But she shakes that away. If she could love this much, that means she could hurt and burn just as hard- if not harder. And the numbness and deprivation of emotional intimacy always outweigh pain when it came to Olivia. So she has to say something. Say something that makes the A.D.A just as low and weakened like Casey did to her. _It was a nice run, but my heart is more important than yours…_

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" Olivia's tone is snide, the way she speaks to criminals during an interrogation; categorizing with the filth she sees everyday.

Casey's head tilts as if she's confused, but the anger remains in her hardened jaw.

"That's all you want, right? Respect? Reciprocation?" she smiles grimly as she steps closer, invading the ginger's personal space, hooking her thumb inside the A.D.A's ginger.

She could hear and feel the gasp along her lips- that's how close Olivia is- as the ginger begins to pull away but Olivia has another approach. "Your daughter's watching and unless you want to upset her more than you've already have, I suggest you play along." She slides her other three fingers into the ginger's jeans as she pulls her with more force, colliding their chests together.

She sees the pain on Casey's face- she's afraid to say it hurt her as well- but she needs to show the ginger that she didn't need her in her life. That her heart didn't throb when a saddened expression trails along those plump lips, but that didn't matter now. Olivia is out to make wounds.

"You want me to like you. That's all you want, huh? You want my pretty little face between your legs…you want it _so _bad, don't you?" Olivia's tone trails as her breath dances along the A.D.A's neck because she can't look at her when she does this. She _needs _to hurt her, but she can't look at her handiwork.

Casey holds back a sob, but somehow she keeps it together.

"You want to ride my face, like I do yours. You want me to fuck you till you're breathless, don't you Casey? Have my name rolling off your tongue, Casey damn it baby you want it so bad." Olivia's voice genuinely becomes deeper as she thinks of the scenarios she brings in the air. The pleasure of actually _pleasuring _Casey. She thinks of it, too sharp and vivid for her liking, Casey knelt above her as she drives the woman to ecstasy. Loud, roaring moans that pierce the bedroom. _Feeling _the desire Casey has for her, coat her fingers. It becomes too much and she lets a groan slip into the woman's ear but she shakes it away.

She has a life to ruin.

"That's all you want, hon. My respect, my heart- damn you haven't even kissed me yet. You've done so much for me and I won't even let you get a taste of my _upper _lips. That's what you want, right? Tell me what you want, Case. Just tell-"

"_Yes!_" Goes her loud reply, making the detective jump. Olivia knows that the younger woman is crying as she trembles before her. She feels a warm tear hit her shoulder and cascades down her jacket and on to the floor. She did it; she finally made the ginger feel just as weak and lovestruck as she felt- _feels. _

"Well you never can," Olivia whispers as she looks back at sees the result of her bitter taunting: blistering shock. "And I have a boyfriend who loves me, and…and…" She takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes, once again not emotionally-stable enough to look at those tear-shed emeralds. "You're nothing but a whore." And with that she walks away; there's nothing else she could say after that. She's broken Casey, and she swears she could hear her sobs from the long distance she walks.

She should feel accomplished, she did save her heart after all, but the wound digs deeper than the jab Casey made in the first place. It made her wonder _why the hell did I do this? Was it worth it?_

She couldn't feel it now, but she knows it will benefit her future; when she and Elliot were married.

* * *

><p>Casey and her daughter are a lot alike when upset. They were emotionally-reclusive and kept to themselves, and that's exactly what they did when Casey drives them home. Emily is upset that Casey yelled at her- for a reason that was definitely undeserved. She wants to console her daughter and tell her that she wasn't in trouble and that she didn't mean it, but she couldn't trust her voice. She couldn't tell if she said one croak that she'll crumble to tears in the car and crash, killing the both of them. And since she couldn't tell Emily that Olivia, her new curiosity and heroine, doesn't respect her mommy and thinks of her as a shameless whore, she decided to keep her eyes on the road and her mouth shut.<p>

They both remain silent as Casey opens her apartment door for Emily, and she walks inside. The head-dip of her daughter finally makes her push back the emotional scars she has to help her child's. "Honey you want something to eat?" Casey tries to sound enthusiastic, but as expected she comes off like a croaking bird- sparking attention on the little one's face.

"Why are you sad?"

Casey crouches down to her level, trying to think of a white lie to explain to her daughter but she was stuck. Those sharp blue eyes trap her- the same way her father's did once upon a time. She will go with the truth, a vague PG answer- but the truth granted. "Mommy's feelings are hurt." Yeah, that is a vast understatement. Words couldn't explain the numb-striking pain her heart coats with.

But of course her daughter didn't need to know that.

"It's 'cause of Olivia?"

She chews the side of her lip but she nods as she mumbles "Yes…"

"But it's a grown up thing so you can't tell me, right?" The life immediately drains in her daughter's tone and it added an extra oomph to make an inadvertent tear drop.

"Y-Yes dear," she whispers, three more sheds of pain slipping down her face; weakly smiling when a small hand brushes them away. "You know…you know I love you right? Mommy loves you very much and is sorry for screaming at you. You know that, right?"

Emily pauses, but when she responds she doesn't speak; she just nods as she rubs her eye. Casey would've chastised her for touching her face before washing her hands, but figured she's done enough of that today. "Can I go sleep now?"

It's a deflection, something she and her father share, and it didn't go undeserved since it is respectful, so Casey relents with a sigh and tousle of her little girl's hair before she stands on her own feet. "Yeah…yeah you can, but change your clothes first."

* * *

><p>Casey wakes herself up from the heartache still swimming in her heart. She couldn't sleep much anyway, not without hearing Olivia's words mock her conscience. Instead of sitting there moping, which sounds delightful, she climbs out of her bed and decides to play with her daughter. Although she feels like hiding from the universe, she remembers that her time with Emily is very limited and she won't waste it for words Olivia has said.<p>

The heartless wench doesn't deserve that power.

"Emmy?" her voice has more life in it, which is a shock considering she's been silently sobbing for the past few hours.

There is no answer.

"Emily?" she calls again, smirking at the game her daughter creates.

Still no answer.

"Emily," her tone grows stern as she checks the living room to find her television off. "This isn't funny. Come out now!"

Emily isn't stupid nor disrespectful for that matter, so she'll come crawling out with her big blue eyes all droopy.

Only she doesn't.

"Emily? Emily!" Fear begins to evade her breaking heart as she runs into all the rooms of her apartment- the bathroom, the living room, bedrooms, everywhere- to find an empty.

"Emily!"

Tears flood her face as she opens her daughter's room and finds the dusty pink curtain fluttering from the air pelting it. The window's open? No, that's impossible. Emily prefers the fan and doesn't like natural wind hitting the room, especially when she's sleeping. So that meant…that means…no. The sobs ripples through the A.D.A in violent hiccups as she throws her coat on and dials the number, not even thinking of the argument, the betrayal, the loss.

She needs her Olivia…

**A/N: Aren't I just a bitch? :D Don't hate me; I have a storyline a coming. Despite the contrary, I am not a heartless human being. I just...needed to vent and Casey is my component at the moment. Only reviews will get chapter nine. **


	9. Shock

**A/N: Gave you a longer one since it's been awhile. Just wasn't feeling the love.**

It is easier for Olivia to love Elliot this way. She didn't have to look at him, and when she did he is too busy grunting in pleasure to notice. And it was a…distantly pleasurable way to stimulate him. She didn't have to veil her own discomfort to make him happy, because there isn't stimulation for herself. And besides…it's pretty hot to say that she got badass Stabler begging and pleading for her to continue.

"Fuck!" he hisses through clenched teeth, lifting his hips off the bed just to get them pinned down by his partner.

She hadn't realized how hard and fast she was going. She just tried to get Casey out of her mind, that look of betrayal, that quivering pout of self-degradation and humiliation. She couldn't shun it so she bobs with more force, overlooking the burn of Elliot down her throat, but still that loud cry of Casey admitting that was all she wanted from Olivia, had the detective's brow furrowing.

"Babe…L-Liv-" Elliot has no idea what Olivia is thinking about- she has to be thinking of something with the concentrated look on her face- but whatever it is, she should think of it all the time because feels his release plummeting with a powerful force.

Olivia finds her eyes rolling in annoyance, confused by the involuntary movement. She wants to get Casey out of her head, out of her life since she's dangerously close, but she wanted Elliot to shut the hell up there. And to think she'd do anything to get Casey's voice out of her head; the irony is baffling.

"Liv…L-Liv."

She wishes he stops calling her name like that, all helpless and wanting, _vulnerable. _There is only one reason Elliot succumbs to her this willingly, she thinks; he does this because he feels safe, as if he is the only lucky man on earth that has her. Though technically speaking it is true, she'll never look twice at another man after Elliot, but there is someone else, someone Olivia sadly can't have anymore, that has _her _begging and screaming and writhing off the bed. Someone she could fall for…

And that scared her into calling Casey a whore… What a shame!

"Liv!"

She hears the urgency in her partner's voice and the convulsing shakes in his hips, and knows he's ready. Not looking forward for a 'mess'- something Elliot is too stimulated to control- she grabs his member and shifts up and down, waiting impatiently for Elliot to finish.

_Finally, _she thinks impassively.

He finally finishes, with Olivia cleaning up both Elliot and her hand. He looks utterly spent and it brings a frown upon her face. Why can't he do this to her? Why can't he let her feel every waking nerve alive and then drive her to bliss and satiation? Why did she have to go through drastic measures to receive her pleasures?

_Why do you have to be so perfect…_

Her mind tosses these questions all throughout her mind, some screaming at her, while others whisper pleadingly with her. She didn't realize where she was until she feels her partner's arm pull her on the bed that she realizes that he isn't Casey. That no matter what, the A.D.A will never forgive her for what she said.

And that will go well-deserved, but the perspicuity of the issue doesn't make it hurt any less.

"Damn Liv," he mumbles with that goofy smile while she plasters her own, not exactly feeling this moment.

All she feels is guilt and despair; a feeling that apparently shows on her face. "What's wrong, babe?" he asks, brows furrowing as his hands run up her bare legs.

She couldn't tell him; she has to eventually, considering things changed and gotten more complicated, but not now. Not when Elliot looks like he is on the top of the world, but just…not…now. She softly shakes her head leaning in for a kiss that Elliot surprisingly moves away from.

"Liv," His tone grows low as does his brow. "You've been…distant lately."

"What?" she replies shakily, feeling her throat close in. She thought she's been clandestine about the whole cheating-on-him- thing. Apparently not. "I'm not, I'm here with you. Baby," she hears the skittishness in her laugh and she prays Elliot doesn't pick up on it.

"No Liv," his voice goes even lower with a slight growl at its trail. "We haven't talked in so long-"

"I'm talking to you right now," she tries to smile but she couldn't hold back the temptation to bite the inside of her cheek.

He gives her that look over as he straddles and Olivia plasters a moan. She needs to show that she's interested, that she still cares, that their relationship is perfect and not endangered. But she can't do this for long…her stomach is tight with knots.

The heavens ring when she hears her phone go off on the nightstand and she wished she didn't visually stretch to get it. She loves Elliot, she…likes Casey, and she hurt the _both _of them because of it.

"Benson," she states evenly.

She furrows her brow when she hears cracks and sobs over the intercom. "H-Hello?" she asks taking a look at her screen to gasp at the name displayed on it. "Casey?"

"S-She's gone Liv," she sobs some more. "Emily is gone and I can't find her and-"

"What?" Olivia's eyes goes wide as she pushes Elliot off of her to leap on her on feet. "Emily's _what_?" The words weren't processing; little Emily can't be gone. She just saw her not but an hour ago.

"She's gone Liv and I checked e-everywhere and I'm so scared! I can't-"

"Casey calm down-" Olivia reassures as she scurries to put her pants on with a phone wedged between her ear and shoulder.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" she hisses and Olivia immediately feels the guilt strike her heart. She can't imagine how Casey feels right now, all alone and worried; frantic about her daughter. "My baby is missing and no one's found her and I can't find her-"

"Casey, please," she pleads as she throws her v-neck over her head.

"Liv," she hears Elliot hiss from behind her and she throws him an exasperated glance. She doesn't have time for his mundane issues.

The loud, frantic crying continues in her intercom, where Olivia could barely hear herself say "Casey- please relax! Are you home? Casey…" with a sigh and a reinforced check of her badge and gun in place, she's already walking out. "I'm on my way." She hangs up.

"Liv- shit, wait up!" Elliot is struggling to get dressed when he rushes over to Olivia's side.

"What El?" she growls out, sick of his selfishness. A child is missing- _Casey's _child, someone she's already met, is missing.

"What's going on?" He looks concerned and Olivia doesn't even feel a pinch of guilt for it. She has more important things to worry about.

"Casey's seven-year old daughter is missing. Now I need to help her," Her voice trails when she walks around Elliot, ready to leave her apartment, but stops when he blocks the door.

"Wha- that's crazy!" he furrows his brow, tone incredulous. "Casey doesn't-"

"Yes she does, and her name is Emily, and I have to find her," she shoves the senior detective out of the way and walks out to have him by her side.

"I'm coming with-"

"No!" she spills out rather desperately, turning around to find a confused detective. "I mean…" she closes her eyes as she shakes her head. She couldn't bring Elliot with her, to remind Casey that she has no one, not even her _daughter _apparently. It'll be nice to have an extra set of eyes for scoping, but not for Casey's health.

"I'll handle it…"

* * *

><p>Casey feels her chest choke her heart as she runs back to her apartment. She's been everywhere- the park, every store in a nine block radius, the Laundromat, <em>anywhere <em>that Emily is familiar with, and nothing. Her daughter is gone, with lord knows who and the thought of her with someone, a stranger, a convict, a pedophile, has her shaking as she cries to her doorman.

"Oh my god- she's-"

"Ms. Novak?" The college student could barely hold on to her but some she knows can. And thank god this woman was behind her, now holding her back, spinning her into the strong chest.

Casey couldn't even tell Olivia what happened, like a _good _mother would; long tears of sorrow, embarrassment, and vivacious anger burns through her eyes and throat. Her hands find the collar of the detective's leather jacket, forming them into fists.

Olivia is telling her it was going to be okay, that she was going to find Emily, but none of that seems to retain in her mind. She sees the world with unbind eyes, everyday with filth placed on her desk, and she knows that Olivia's voice could be optimistic ignorance- a lie. Emily could be gone, in a ditch, in an older man's bedroom…

"Liv," she leaps out of her arms, nearly dropping from the lack of support, and shakes violently. "M-My daughter…she can't…s-she just can't!" And the more of the thought of Emily not being gone, the lighter Casey's heart feels. "She can't…she's probably…I don't know but she's not gone. She just…she just can't."

"Casey." Olivia's voice is warm, soft and velvet in ear, but something behind her expression, those dark intense eyes, tells Casey that what she could be saying isn't true. That she was going to try everything in her power to retrieve her daughter, but she couldn't make any promises. Just the thought of it sinks the tiny bit of hope back to the raw edges of her heart.

"Hey," Olivia draws her attention to the nervous doorman as she flashes her badge. "You know Emily, right?"

"Yes, yes, but I told Ms. Novak that I just started my shift."

Casey bites her lip to stop the quivering, but it just builds the pressure to jump violently. She needs someone, someone to tell her that Emily is okay, that she is playing with her best friend Brittany. That she's breathing…

"I need you to contact the last doorman, and show me your surveillance cameras," Casey growls out, trying to gain her voice. Trying to be a good mother.

"I-I can't do that," goes his skittish reply, and before she could stop herself, before she could regulate her flaring temper, she has his collar in her fists, not in the desperate sense of agony in there way she held the detective's, but in contempt; in undeserved anger toward the young man that she couldn't explain.

"What do you mean, _you can't do that?" _she hisses back as she charges the frantic man's back into the door. "Do you know the average time duration for deaths after child abduction?" she growls out, ignoring the pull she feels from her shoulder and Olivia calling her name. "Twenty-four hours. I have twenty-fours to stop my baby from being lost, or killed, or rape –"

"Casey!" Olivia's voice is just as dark, just as strained with emotion as the redhead's. It silences the ginger, but she couldn't stop her involuntary shaking. She feels cool hands grace her knuckles as the detective, slowly unwraps Casey's fingers from the timid doorman's collar, one by one.

"What he meant was that he literally can't grant you that information," she sadly informs. "Doormen don't authorize the security tapes. That's the landlord's –"

Casey didn't need to hear anymore. She is already dashing in her lobby until she feels a strong harm coiled around her waist and a forceful pull backward.

"Casey relax!"

The ginger roughly makes a pivot turn and shoves the detective with a loud grunt. "Don't you tell me to relax! My baby is gone! I n-need," the urge to curse out the detective deadens when the ache of abandonment rips her soul. She needs to find her daughter; without her is like having no air. "I n-need my baby…"

She sees the sympathy in Olivia's eyes; a look she gives to hundreds of women and children but the A.D.A never thought it would involve her own. She wants to run, damn search the whole galaxy for her daughter, but the small hint of common sense tells her the detective will just tousle her to the wall and pin her there until she pacifies herself, which will delay _more _time to find her Emily.

So she'll be quiet. Anything to get her daughter back.

* * *

><p>Luckily Olivia was still close to Alex Cabot, who thankfully put this on top of the amber alert list; having Emily's face on all news channels at <em>all <em>showings. At any other time Olivia would've sucked her teeth at the nepotism brought on by wealth, but now this was Casey's child, a friend, perhaps someone even more and she'd do anything to get the little ginger back and safe.

Olivia and the team are with Casey in the precinct, trying to think rationally for the whereabouts of Emily, Elliot silent and stoic– which doesn't surprise Olivia– until Munch inadvertently brings up the father. She could see the ginger uncomfortably stiffen and her green eyes widen as she zealously shakes her head, that Casey didn't tell the father yet, and is probably horrified of his reaction. As much as Olivia wanted to do that for her and take all this pain away, if she was a parent she wouldn't want to hear tragic news from a stranger– let alone a cop.

"He's not in the picture?" Munch continues to ask and Casey gives him a dark glare. Olivia wants to mirror the expression, show the idiot that he was _obviously _upsetting her, but she couldn't because he was doing his job and asking the appropriate questions.

Olivia heaves a sigh and takes the ginger's hand, noting the small digits quivering in her palm. "It's okay," Olivia whispers in the ginger's ear, failing to soothe the distraught mother who bursts into tears. She's already there to hold the frail beauty and holds a deep breath as she rubs the shivering back.

"He's in the picture but he and Casey aren't together. Trever Merrick," Olivia assumes, though she didn't catch a last name. She's seen Emily's last name, Merrick, displayed a million times on the screen this evening on numerous channels so she assumed that was his last name. "She sees…" She looks down at the young women cradled in her neck and takes a breath through her nose. She doesn't want to spread of Casey's business; obviously the A.D.A didn't want that considering _none _of them knew she had a child, but she'd do anything to hear Emily's youthful laughter again. "She sees Emily every other week and they alternate holidays."

Munch, Cragen, and Fin all dart eyes with the ginger, not in a way that shows judgment, but in mere curiosity of what seems to be odd in custody battles, but Elliot's lies cold on Olivia's to an intensity that temporarily stuns her out of the caring embrace she shares with Casey. But she darts her eyes back to Casey, a little too quickly for her liking– and apparently _his _as well.

They continue to ask the procedurals and give off compassionate, but routine, advice and peptallks. Casey knows it's trivial, that's why she shows almost no reaction to what her peers were saying, unless it was something vital into bringing the whereabouts of her daughter.

"Do you have anyone that you could stay with?" Cragen asks, putting on his softest voice to match with his concerning brown eyes.

Again the ginger stiffens within the brunette's chest and Olivia immediately knows the answer. Before Elliot, she knew what that was like to walk home to an empty apartment and wallow within her own misery. "She could stay with me," she replies evenly, looking down to find wide eyes lie whimsical on her as they finally peek from the detective's shoulder. Surprise is the undertone of her brokenness and despair in her gaze, but she grins down at her and whispers "We're going to find her" before she settles her eyes on the Captain.

When the phone rings Casey sprouts up like spewing lava, attentiveness and hope glaring in her green eyes as she gazes at Munch who picks up the phone.

"Special Victims." Munch's wrinkled face winces as he moves the phone from his ear. "Yes sir- I unders— sir. Fine." He hangs up the phone and announces "That was Trevor Merrick. He just…he must've found out the news and he's on his way here from Aspen."

Casey's lips quivers as she tries to bite on it to suppress it. She's horrified and though it's clearly not her fault, he won't see it that way. And apparently Cragen sees that and gives her leniency. "I'll handle him. Go home." He then shifts his gaze to his subordinate and says "In fact, stay with Benson. We still don't know if she wandered off or someone has a vendetta against you or him, so I want you safe. Everyone else; get some shut eye in the cribs. I want us up bright and early tomorrow."

She seems to be okay with that when she nods and relaxes into Olivia's touch, but her boyfriend apparently doesn't feel that way.

When the detectives scurry up the stairs, Elliot remains pinned in his seat as he stalks the two of them, leaning against the edge of her desk. Again Olivia grows shaky and unsettled at the fiery gaze her boyfriend gives her.

"Can I talk to you in private?" he asks, voice just as brisk as his expression.

Olivia looks down at Casey whose head is still clutched in the nook of her neck, then back up at the senior detective and replies "Can this wait?" tilting down at the ginger to emphasize her point.

But apparently he wants to irk her nerves. "Five minutes," again those two words are cold and brisk, but now Olivia mirrors it with her cold browns setting on his blue. The nerve this man had to do this in _front _of a grieving mother's presence was baffling.

"Later" is all she says but the hardened jaw, the knitted brow, and the intensity in her brown orbs show the epitome of her defiance. She is not to be messed with.

Defiance, she thinks, is one thing she and Elliot always had in common, and sometimes it worked to their advantage of a case, and others, like this, crumbled their relationship. _There won't be one if he keeps acting like this. _

He lets out a huff through his nostrils and glares at Casey, as if _she _did something, before he stands up and heads for the cribs. When she hears the loud slamming of the door upstairs, she feels a vibration and hot breath rumble against her chest.

"What's that, honey?" Olivia asks, looking down at the woman who is nestled against her chest like a newborn baby.

"I said I'm sorry," she whispers, and Olivia somehow knows she isn't just talking about Elliot. Casey might think this is all her fault, but Olivia knows she's the best mother Emily could ever have, and she didn't neglect to tell the A.D.A. the truth.

"We'll find her. I promise."

**A/N: What happened to the love? I get a lot of hits but no reviews. Those little notes inspire me to move faster and if I should continue. So review if you want more.**


	10. Week Two

**A/N: It's five in the morning so...all mistakes are mine. I'll check it later.**

**Chapter ten: Week two**

It's midnight, yet it seems much later to Casey. Maybe it's the cold winter rain that envelops a cold aura for the city. Maybe it's the fact that her daughter isn't home, safe in her bed. She can't cry anymore; there isn't enough liquid in her body to do the function. But the despair and separation anxiety still impales her heart with the same potency, if not more because it's eight hours. Eight long, worrisome, hours with the only proof of her child's existence is her picture plastered all over the news, and the pale blue shirt she wore when she was dancing to her game. It's still sweaty, she didn't get a chance to wash due to the calamity of the day's events, but she continues to stroke the moisture with the pad of her thumb because this is how she likes to think of her; all happy and smiling and not dead, or in a ditch somewhere.

She feels Olivia watching her on the couch; the detective hasn't taken her brown eyes off of her since the precinct. She wants to weep to her, beg and plead, even yell at the detective because she hasn't forgotten yesterday's events– despite the newer ones clouding her mind. Olivia hates her and thinks little of her, so why is she here sitting on the detective's small couch.

"You…you want some more hot cocoa?" she asks, voice just as warm and welcoming as her brown eyes.

Casey doesn't answer; she wouldn't be sure if she could even recognize her own voice after what her sobs did to it. She just shakes her head and settles her eyes to the nothingness of the atmosphere. She wanted to be left alone, well, left with her daughter in her arms, but she knew Olivia. The detective was relentless.

"Do you need anything, Case?" she eases closer beside the ginger, coiled on the couch with the blue fabric clutched to her chest. "Coffee? A movie? Maybe another blank–"

Casey somehow wedges a growl through the tightness in her throat as she glares at the brunette through bleary vision. She knows the detective is doing this out of guilt, and not necessarily for Casey. Of course Olivia has a soul, on most occasions, and she _did _feel empathy for her loss, but Casey knows she's going out of her way because of the bitter words she said to her at the playground. She should be flattered and a little relieved that the detective felt her own words boomerang to her chest, but the thought simply enrages her into saying "What do you want?" in a dark, hoarse whisper. The simple nature almost makes Casey feel bad when she notices a flash of pain grace the brunette's furrowed brow, but she remembers, in precise tone and pitch, of what the detective said to her, and her defiance and anger and despair remains in her own furrowed brow.

"In fact, _why _are we here?" she sharply stands from the couch, the white blanket given to her hanging loosely off her shoulders to drag on the ground. "We should be out looking for her." The delayed thought has her moving to the door, almost no reasoning and consciousness in her stride, but she hears a few heavy steps and then sees the detective hovering the door.

"Casey." She has the same look of defiance laced with sympathy she has when she was in her own lobby earlier that afternoon. But this time was different; Casey could leave. She didn't _ask _to stay here.

"Excuse me," she mumbles curtly, trying to push away the sturdy hip veiling the doorknob, but the detective wouldn't budge.

"I told you, we will be checking first thing in the morning–"

"It _is _morning." On any other occasion and subject matter, the banter and the loophole within her words would've been funny. But considering that it involves the location of her daughter, a seemingly witty remark comes off filled with desperation and aggravation.

She sees the frustration in the detective's hardened jaw, but it smoothes back into its sympathetic pity as she softly replies "You know what I mean."

"Actually I don't." Those words are ambiguous, meaning that could apply to _anything _involving the detective, because in honesty she didn't truly _know _her.

"Case–"

"Why are we here?" she barks, absentmindedly caressing Emily's shirt. "Why aren't we out there, looking for my daughter?"

"Case, it's midnight and Emily… she's better off…" The thought fades from the detective's lips and Casey feels her own brow furrowing, for the sake of her own sanity she curbs her anger.

"Are you…" Again she sounds infuriated and in pain, but she tightens it as she lets out an even deep breath. "Are you…telling me, that my daughter…is better off, out there!" She could no longer hold back the venom in her voice when her own words recant in her head and the evilness behind it.

"Casey I didn't say–"

"You might as well!" she yells as loud as her hoarse voice could go. "What I don't deserve my daughter? Am I that much of a horrible mother that you rather see her dead–"

"Casey!" Olivia's natural resonant tone is louder and harsher than she's ever heard it, and it somehow registers through her wrath. It eventually fades; her hardened jaw and knitted brow trailing into a quivering pout and desperate eyes.

When Olivia is convinced Casey's has calmed down, she lets out a sigh and releases the anger in her face. "In order for you and I to search for Emily, I need to make sure you are safe. Like the Captain said, we don't know if she wandered, or if this is payback against you or Trevor. Now we can't save Emily's life if yours is in danger."

The words slowly register into the ginger's brain as the enraged haze slowly dissipates. Olivia's right, but at the moment it seemed like maternal instinct and common sense to search for what's hers.

"As hard as it is to sit here and do nothing, I need you safe Case. Munch and Fin are on it still, off the books." It brought a small, slight, barely there grin to know that she had people that cared about and even brushes pass the law to show so. But she couldn't help but notice the omission of a senior detective.

"And Elliot?"

Olivia's expression falters as her brows knit together. Through her pool of despair and depression she caught the fiery gaze Elliot gave Olivia back in the precinct. The glimpse she caught from him, she now saw what was swimming in her own eyes when she was forced to watch the two of them: jealousy. She saw in that given moment the scorn in his blue eyes; the mirror of what she will see when she and Trevor interact. He's jealous, and if he's jealous, that means one thing.

He was beginning to catch on…

"He's…I don't know…probably with his kids, or something," she says dismissively with a lazy flip of the hand. "Elliot always said they brighten his day."

Casey notices the sharpness in the detective's tone when she said _his _kids and the slight frown forming around her face. She doesn't think of Olivia as the possessive type, but with the tight relationship she and Stabler seem to have, she would think that she had some sort of relationship with his children. Because according to Olivia, they were getting 'married'.

"Children could do that for you…" Her voice is barely a whisper, her eyes now bleary. For once the thought of children didn't brighten her mood because hers weren't with her, and she _doesn't _where she is. Just the thought of it, of her, all alone, has hot tears of fear trailing down her cheek.

Olivia has her mouth covered with one hand while she wipes Casey's face with the other as she whispers "I'm sorry…" as if it was _her _fault. As if _she _was the bad mother…

"Me too..." And when she thought she had no moisture left in her numb body, she breaks down and bursts into tears. "Me too...

* * *

><p>The past eight days there's been a daily regime, Olivia muses. She and Casey leave for work, Casey refusing to take the time off, and they discuss the motion over the whereabouts of Emily– and they always come off with nothing, and when a possible lead flares it gets shunned with an alibi.<p>

Casey hasn't spoken of that day in the park; the wonderful time they were having with Emily; the horrible, treacherous insults Olivia blurted to her. She remains silent unless she's spoken to. Her body lies stiff on her couch as she pretends to watch t.v; though Olivia notices the fib, she doesn't say anything because Casey's been _too _quiet, and Olivia fears anything faint could cause the woman to snap, which is teetering into a reality. Every night for the eight days the ginger has stayed in her apartment, Olivia busts through her bedroom to wake the A.D.A from the horrible, bloodcurdling nightmare she's apparently having. And as much and as shocking that Olivia wanted to crawl into the bed and hold the ginger, she knows that's the wrong thing to do for the _both _of them. She remembers the dark glare Elliot gave her back in the precinct when she took the A.D.A's side; she could imagine if he found out the inappropriate intimacy behind those closed doors.

The ringing of the precinct phone draws her out of her mental ramble when she furrows her brow at what reads on the caller id. _911? Why would 911 call us? _"Special Victims Unit," she answers professionally. Her breath hitches when she hears harsh breathing and frantic cries over the phone.

"M-Mommy…Ima Ima s-scared…"

"Emily?" She gasps and the whole unit's eyes are on her and Casey's already up, bolted by her side. Olivia quickly puts the phone on speaker.

"Emily?" Casey sobs out and there's a hushed murmur in the intercom. It's obvious Emily can't be heard. "Honey?"

Olivia makes a hushed motion with her lips and then points to Fin, who already gets her signal to trace the phone call.

"Emily it's me, Olivia," she replies gently, but quietly. "Can you tell me where you are?" Her brown eyes remain align with the wide ginger's in a determined manner. _I told you I'll find her…_

"N-No," goes the stuffy reply. "Mommy…"

"It's okay honey," Casey could barely keep it together but over her glazed green is a glint of determination to get her daughter back. She's beautiful, Olivia quickly muses. "We're going to find you and you're going to be home in my arms, honey, okay?" She's crying and Munch is beside her, rubbing her back, but she stiffens, most likely unintentional. She's just use to a woman's touch.

"Can you describe who's taken you?" Olivia asks, eyeing Fin who silently gestures 'give me a minute.'

"They…they h-had masks on and, oh Olibia" Even the brunette finds a sob at her throat from the innocence and fear in the mini ginger's voice, but she needs to remain strong for Emily _and _her mother.

"Y-You told me…that only a couple people have badges right?"

Olivia makes a wobbly smile as she nods but then whispers "yes" when she realizes the little girl can't see her.

"They h-have guns," she hears the A.D.A gasp at that, "but I'm no-t scared. T-They're not really s-strong like you…"

A tear sneaks from Olivia's eye but she all but slaps it out of her face as she whispers hoarsely, "I'm going to find you honey. And thank you so much for being–" She freezes when she hears ruffling over the phone and dark resonant tone bark "Who's this?"

Olivia sees the anger spark in Casey's face and she's already behind her with a hand cupped over her mouth as she coolly replies "This is Detective Benson. What do you want?" She feels Casey writhing in her touch but she needs to keep her quiet if she wants this to go smoothly. Last thing they need is a child death on their hands.

"I just do what I'm told," he replies impassively.

Fin makes a light snap that catches Olivia's attention and then makes a thumbs-ups signal to show he got the information he needed. She makes a curt nod until her dark eyes aligns with the intercom and replies, "Her father's loaded; you could get all the loot you want." She hates begging more than anything, but she'd eat dirt if it means having Emily safe in her arms.

The mysterious man makes a chuckle so dark, so sinister, down right evil to the point that it slithers down her spine like cold medicine. She almost gasps from the inadvertent fear and uncertainty this man makes her feel, but for her pride's sake and Casey's, she keeps it locked in her throat.

"If you only knew, detective…" They hear a dial tone.

Olivia then relinquishes her hold on the ginger who roughly shrugged from it to glare down at the detective.

"Fin what's the address?" she asks the man who's leather jacket is already on.

"GPS says two yards from Madison Ave. Just five blocks from here."

Olivia nods accordingly as she gathers her own jacket along. "We got Case…"

**You see that fast response? You know why you got another chapter, because people reviewed! Get the pattern. YOU review more, I write faster. Review for chapter eleven. **


	11. Recovery

**A/N: Life has changed drastically for me in the past week and it distracted me from my stories. Well it's somewhat stable now and I couldn't be happier. Oh…yeah…that's why it took so long. **

Olivia already has her leather jacket draped around her shoulders as she rushes up from her seat, ready to maim the son-of-a bitch who captured Emily. She sees peripherally that Casey is following and that's when she intervenes. She empathizes with Casey's pain and hope, but as a detective she knows her turbulent emotions will hinder her job and possibly Emily's safety. If Casey holds _this _much guilt for something that isn't her fault, she could imagine the A.D.A's life when it _did _involve her actions. Casey just might end her life.

"Casey," she warns, turning around to find the saddest pair of green in her life. She finds her teeth biting down the flesh of her bottom lip, but she takes a deep breath and replies "I will bring her back safe."

"Are you insane?" she growls, tears trailing down her face but for once in defiance and not in anguish. "You know where my baby is and I'm going," she takes a deep breath, haphazardly flattening her crimson hair with her hands, controlling her temper and emotions to show Olivia that she is mentally prepared for this.

Olivia gives her a quick, but thorough look over as she lets out a defeated sigh. It's been eight days; she could only imagine the pain the ginger from the abandonment and now that she _knew _where Emily was, that hour or so getting her would probably feel like eight _more _days.

"Fin, take her to a uniform," she tilts her head in the A.D.A's direction and he makes an affirmative nod as he begins to walk with a triumphant Casey.

When the detective and A.D.A are walking hurriedly toward the elevator, Olivia is right behind their tail but stops when she doesn't here footsteps behind her.

"El?" She looks back, finding the older man stilled at his desk. "C'mon what the hell?"

"I don't know Liv," he simply shrugs, running his hands through the remains of his short cropped hair. She turns around when she hears the dragging sounds of the elevator opening and watches Fin and Casey confusedly furrow their brows at her but she calls out "I'm on my way." They have Munch and Cragen, among other many snipers and uniforms for armed protection. Apparently she and Elliot were about to talk.

"What do you mean, _you don't know?" _She mocks, not necessarily conscious of it as she walks to her partner's desk. "Emily's missing, we traced a location; what don't you know?"

He gives that chilling look again; his deep blues gawking at her soul and she, on reflex, shifts in her shoes at the guilt that rises in her veins. She knows _he_ knows- not necessarily _what, _but he knows things have…changed between them, but she can't help it. The spark isn't there anymore no matter how hard, well easy and convenient in this case, she wants to rekindle it.

"This guy, or guys– hell we don't even know _that_, make it their business for eight days to stay hidden and _now_ they want to show themselves?"

"Well maybe their arrogance finally made them slip." Her voice is sharper than she intended it, or maybe she did and the heat of the moment finally sparked it in her brain.

He snorts at that; as if the thought is made by young, naïve child. "They came in through the window, left no prints _anywhere, _and purposely shielded their face in the security tapes.I doubt they wouldn't do anything as stupid as keeping a traceable cell phone, unless they have a plan–"

"Well what do you want me to do? _Not _go because of your theory?"

His dark brow furrows as he stands and looks down at her. He may be higher in height, but in defiance they're just neck and neck, she may be taller. "Why are you so invested into this case?"

The question is nonchalant, maybe softer than what Elliot initially intended it to be, but it stung because it reminded her that this case was more than just a drive to help a friend. Because Casey was slowly becoming more of a friend, and that meant that this was real, that she was cheating now, and she felt smothered as Elliot stalks her expression for a reply. So she has to bite back like the shark she is to get Elliot off her back.

"If little Eli was taken by god knows who, and you _knew _the location, you're telling me right now that you wouldn't be chasing down the son of a bitch because of a _precaution?" _It is a low blow, _really _low. She could see his eyes tearing in frustrated shock and vulnerability, but she needs him to know how Casey feels– how she _thought _he would understand considering their common kinship of children.

"This has _nothing _to do with my kids!" he growls, but Olivia doesn't flinch because his action was expected. "This is about _you _forgetting how to do your damn job, and how you're riding Novak's coat tail!"

The words feel like venom blistering her skin, and the dark look on her boyfriend's face didn't help her raging blood.

"Novak" she spits back, recovering from the dark look her boyfriend gave her, "Our colleague, our friend, has lost her daughter and we have proof that some scumbag _kidnapped _her, and you're upset that I am consoling her?" Confusion laces with her anger in the scowl she makes, but she doesn't let it show when she says "When did you lose your soul?" through her clenched jaw.

Rage no longer maims the detective's steel blue eyes, but the narrowing of them, his jaw clenching under the five o'clock shadow that's growing in, makes Olivia shudder in her boots.

"The day you lost the ability to do this job" he replies voice calm, even; similar to the sociopaths they deal with on a daily basis as he heads for the elevator, leaving his girlfriend– Olivia isn't even sure if she holds that title anymore– stunned and embalmed with pain.

* * *

><p>Dozens of NYPD-edition boots lightly trail the location of a warehouse, Olivia in front now deck in her navy NYPD bulletproof vest. She's going to get the son of a bitch, regardless of Elliot's opinion. It wasn't fair that Elliot used his jealousy and frustration for this unspoken situation on Emily, who was an innocent bystander in this party. Elliot could be a jerk, but she never thought he'd go this low, to be this vindictive to stop a case and accuse her of lacking ability to do one. Her hands shiver tremendously over her gun just thinking about it, but she takes a deep, quiet breath and focuses on the wide, dusty hall ahead of her.<p>

_This is about Emily…we got this…you got this…_

She glances to the right, failing miserably to ignore her chest tightening when Fin is in place of Elliot, her partner, her love. After she left the precinct she didn't even know where he went; didn't care to know until now. But she knows this man beside her; he's helped her through so much and with those determined hazel eyes sternly on her brown, she realizes that she doesn't need Elliot. That Elliot was a symbol of a perfect man but truly filled with flaws and vices. She's fine; she's got this.

With more calm and efficient steps, she, Fin, and many other uniforms crowd what seems to be the only door and secrecy in this humid room. She gives Fin a look of surety and he makes a stiff nod in understanding, before she charges her foot into the door with her gun swatting in all directions, searching for any threat, an alley, just something other than dingy gray walls. She doesn't see but hears footsteps, faint, the depth of small ones, perhaps a child. Perhaps Emily… Along with the tapping ahead she hears croaking, a sound of anguish, of obvious fear and Olivia knows its Emily now. _S'okay sweetie, _she thinks sweetly, _you'll be back with mama…and me… _

She's moving more boldly, her cautious steps growing into wide strides. The steps and sobs are so prominent she could practically _see _the bright, vibrant redhead dancing in her arms, but she knows it's psychological. But when she hears it, the soft, whimpering sound coming from an area with just a sharp turn, she knows Emily is here and she's comfortable enough to softly call her name.

The only reply came from the rustling of the police officers boots.

"Emily honey?" she calls out again, moving slower, more cautious, with her index finger caressing the trigger of her gun. "It's me, Olivia. You don't have to be afraid. I told you I'll find you honey…"

There's more cracks and sniffles but what throws her off is the hiccupped sob from the alley as she and Fin finally turn the impossibly long– perhaps it's her anxiety concocting her brain to form a corner longer than it was– corner, and she sees the little ginger, bound in a chair, thick gray tape encircling her chest, wrists and ankles. Her blue eyes lie wide and shaky on Olivia's brown as the detective runs to her side, placing the gun in its holder.

"It's okay, honey," Olivia whispers soothingly to the crying girl as she glances at the uniforms charging past them to another apparent secret door. She reaches into the inside of her breast pocket and takes out a small pocket knife, a slight flick of the wrist making the metal swift alive.

"No!" the little girl screams, clenching those sharp eyes shut, tilting her head to the side as if she's drowning out something; shunning a tragic memory. What the hell they do to her?

"Emily it's okay, please don't be afraid, you're safe now." Her soothing whispers don't seem to take effect on the squirming girl, whose eyes are still tightly shut, and her little hands forming into fists, while she fidgets in the seat. "Emily honey it's me Olivia–"

"Please I've been a good girl…such a good girl…" her high-pitch voice squeak in a plea and it's like a knife to the detective's heart. It's apparent that the sick fuck who took Emily gets off at the emotional turmoil and submission the seven year old gave him at the sentence she practically whispers like a mantra. Even Olivia couldn't hold back the tears then, the warm liquid trailing down her cheeks, but she swallows hard and wipes her face and lightly glides the knife against the tape on her wrists.

"Emily…" she doesn't know how to connect to the frantic child until the light bulb clicks in her head. "Emily could you open your eyes for me, please?"

The ginger slowly aligns her head with the detective, but keeps her close for a moment until they reluctantly flutter on the brunette. "You see this honey?" she asks, displaying her badge to the tot who unconsciously takes it, but Olivia doesn't mind; that gave her time to continue to cut the bound tape on the ginger's body. "Remember what I said?"

Emily makes a soft nod, but her eyes stay glued to the gold metal as if her life depended on it. As if _that _was the only thing worth living for. "It-It's a badge that rep-represents hard work to k-keep…to keep me safe." The last four words come off incredulous and Olivia doesn't blame her. She sat there in Casey's living room, explaining to her daughter why the symbol was better than the object but that's all bullshit now. A badge didn't help Emily the eight days she was captured, subdued to do lord knows what. A badge didn't pacify her tears that are evident in those bloodshot eyes. In fact it _was _the object that did this; a gun probably scared her into doing the prick's every command. Olivia was a liar, a fake, a failure. Nothing was evident in her life anymore; now that Elliot seems to be drifting in the distance.

"That's right Emily," Olivia finishes the last of duck tape with a slight pull, causing the ginger to flinch and twitch with her ankle. "You're a brave girl–"

"Brave girls don't cry." Her voice seems to be hoarse, tired, and no longer fearful now that the realization of the busying cops probably traps her mind. But there's something, something low, still, about the usually angelic tone that sends a shiver down Olivia's spine. Emily seems so…numb.

There's nothing Olivia could do. As much as she liked to think, she just can't. This is a mother's job; the maternal instinct and drive that is immortal and relentless. The sad, pathetic part is that she feels that strength, that bond to constantly strive to keep this little girl safe who now stands wobbly beside her. And the fact that Olivia instinctually picks her up in her arms shows that there's a special, impenetrable, spark in her heart that rekindles now that Emily is safe in her arms; energy needed that was missing, empty, gaping in her chest the eight days she was gone.

"Let's go, honey," she whispers softly to the ginger whose blue eyes lie warily on Olivia's badge. "Mama's dying to see you."

* * *

><p>The sunlight seems blearing, almost painful to the detective when she walks out with Emily still clutched in her arms. It's not psychological because she hears a hiss of disapproval and a warm nose nuzzle her neck. It must be a vitamin D deficiency, Olivia muses. She's been in there ten minutes, or so, and she feels like she's lived in a coffin. She could imagine Emily's situation, or lack of. She didn't even know if Emily stayed there the whole time, or where the pricks were, or if this was part of the plan. But she didn't care; not now with the widen gaze of shock, relief, despair, and all around joy on the A.D.A's face when she catches those tired greens on her. This is why she does her job, <em>that <em>look, the look of relief washing over the despair and the draining hope seeping from the parents' bodies. Though this sadly doesn't occur all the times, the little occasions that pop in her line of work makes her believe that her life has purpose. That she isn't just a waste of a rapist's sperm and an alcoholic's egg. _This _is the proof right here that she's doing her job, despite what her 'boyfriend' muses. That she's worth having, and is good at something.

And Casey shows it when she runs up to the detective, brushing past swarming uniforms to snatch her daughter into her arms. Emily clutches for her dear life and so does Casey, possibly causing marks through the mini-ginger's thin jacket, which reminds Olivia that Emily needs to be examined by a doctor before she goes home. She doesn't need to tell Casey that now; she's been separated from her daughter for such a long period of time the thought of any division– even if it is mandatory and beneficial– could seem like knives pressing in her heart. There will be time; Casey deserves to bask in the recover and rescue of her daughter, and she'd probably like to do it in solitude, she sadly thinks.

Olivia gives one last nod and tight smile at the ginger before she begins to walk away, only to feel two hands grip her arm, one stronger than the other, one bigger. One Olivia turns around, slightly bewildered and sees that the mother and daughter share the same passive, but thankful expression; sharp blue and green eyes gazing deeply into the detective's browns. Their hands, both pale, just a blatant difference in shape, grip the detective's arm, not too tight to frighten the brunette, but strong enough to show the need, the want, for her to be there.

Words didn't need to be said. Olivia takes a step forward and switches gazes from brilliant green to intensive blue. And like clockwork, like some gravitational pull, some telepathic thought, both gingers trail a smile as their temples lay softly on one another. The detective immediately reaches for Casey's free hand, feeling the moment, a moment that unconsciously blossoms in the air, in the bubble that the three of them seem to create. Casey immediately takes it and when Olivia feels that warmth, that embrace, that– dear she say it– love, she knows this is where she belongs.

For once she feels like home…because this was her home now. _They _were her family…

**A/N: To be honest I was going to drag this kidnapping into something darker but my new girlfriend had to make me all fucking sappy. Thanks babe *eyes roll* You know the deal. Reviews get a new chapter, yaddy, yaddy, yaddah. **


	12. Conflicted

**A/N: Major apologies for my absence. I had to get my life back in order and such...it's no where near settled but I should try to write something though I'm not feeling it anymore :/ So that's why I gave you guys a nice fat chapter filled with stuff!**

Casey can't help the tears forming in her green eyes when she looks at her daughter, fidgeting and writhing and yelling at the doctor's evasive touch. It's absolutely necessary, she thinks as she lets out a shaky breath. Though the doctor is a small, petite, Asian brunette, Casey could care less and see her as a big, burly bodyguard hurting her baby. One thing she was lucky to have was her Olivia– she is confident, solely on Olivia's response, that she could call her that now– was by her side. The brunette is still, jaw stiff and stoic, as she watches Emily's check up. She's probably thinking the worst, Casey muses, with all the darkness she sees, the insidious filth she is compelled to surround herself in. It seems to be hard on Olivia as well; she couldn't help the ghost of a smile forming when she remembers Emily smiling at Olivia during their first encounter, and the detective doing the same.

Without consciousness– she can't even say out of habit considering Olivia barely shows affection– Casey takes the detective's hand in her own, discretely though the doctor is too occupied on Emily. The calloused digits are stiff, almost reluctant, but seconds trail and those fingers loop with the A.D.A's. Casey's plump lips twitch into a smile but as quickly as it came, it disappeared; she is here for Emily, someone who hasn't been here for eight excruciating days.

_I'm here, Emmy. We're here…_

* * *

><p>Olivia couldn't keep her jaw unclenched as she walks with the mother and daughter. She should be thrilled– she <em>is <em>thrilled that a child, Casey's child, is back seemingly unharmed. But Elliot's words begin to finally seep in; this _was _too easy. A perp this clandestine, this stealth, this efficient, wouldn't get caught– not this easily that is. If he knew how to successfully keep his fingerprints hidden from the crime scene, then he should know that a non-prepaid cell could be easily traced. It couldn't be over, no this was too easy. There _has _to be a plan.

"What's wong?" Emily asks, looking up at the detective with sad blue eyes. Olivia's come to notice and adore the slight lisp the little ginger has.

Had she was about ten, twenty years older, there could've been hundreds of ways to reply to her question, but Olivia would like to keep some modesty and innocence, if there was any left after what the little girl has endured, in her life. So she settles with a "Nothing sweetie," and a plastered grin as she takes the small hand in her own.

Casey's right; for a girl so young, and almost whimsical like, those eyes, those sharp brilliant specs of blue, hold such awareness, such maturity, that when Olivia gazes at them for a long period of time she forgets she's a wee bit of a child. But she is quickly reminded when she hears the softness of her prepubescent tone and her youthful like face.

"I'm just glad you're safe." Again Olivia keeps that smile plastered until she notices the ginger's falter, trailing to a full on pout. There's something shaky in her wild gaze, perhaps a hint of fear that triggers from the word _safe _that twists the detective's abdomen. Lord knows what Emily's gone through, even if it's _not _sexual abuse, something that she had to relive when she had to make her statement just an hour before. Her story seems to be a typical kidnapping, locked up with nothing to do, but something seemed…flat, _practiced, _in her tone that scares the detective. What if this was part of the plan; a plan that the NYPD still didn't figure out. Whoever did this must really hate Casey, or Trevor, or Emily, and if they feel such potency for a child, Olivia feels this isn't over.

She just hates to admit that Elliot is right.

* * *

><p>After Casey tucked a scared but drained Emily in bed, she is now left with the detective gawking at her from the doorframe; gaze rude and unwavering. Under the fire in those dark orbs Casey reads something else, something that she herself isn't particularly sure about, but it's not friendly she figures out. With a gentle kiss on the ginger's forehead, Casey rises from the side of the bed and heads out the room, barely giving the seemingly aggravated detective eye contact as she walks into her living room.<p>

When she sits down, the fire is still in those brown eyes and she couldn't keep her own green eyes off. Perhaps it was the masochistic streak in her, the streak that keeps her here every Thursday. She didn't know but all she knows that the woman before her is gorgeous.

"What is wrong with you?" Her eyes shade a darker brown, brows furrowed, and jaw clenched shut, but somehow through that hardened look of disdain, her voice comes off shaky, even hesitant as if _she _as well is surprised by the question.

Casey wants to engage in a conversation with Olivia but she honestly can't find the strength to do so. This has been single-handedly the longest eight days of her life and now that it's gone and her daughter is just a bedroom away, she couldn't be any happier. Or any more tired.

"Whatever you have to say Olivia-" Her pale hand is already up, wanting to dismiss, or at least postpone, this conversation but the stern look and that fire in the detective's eyes didn't deaden. She's seen this expression countless times at work and knows there is no point but just to cave in.

Not like she has a choice.

The brown haired detective moves closer, not enough to evade her space or alarm the A.D.A, just...closer... close enough for Casey to get a whiff of her perfume...and her scent...

She takes a deep breath to stop the impulse gnawing in the pit of her belly; arousal always outweigh fatigue and tiredness.

"What's wrong with you?" she asks again as if Casey knew the answer the first time, as if Casey should be ashamed for not answering. Why is Olivia doing this? She knows the hell and draining week she's had. But still...what is she trying to prove?

"Olivia if you have something to say..." She desperately wants to know what's on the detective's mind, but she's too tired, too drained to join the constant mental turmoil trail she is usually on. Today is Casey's turn to be blunt and demanding. "Just say it Liv because honestly, I am in no mood to play games."

Olivia's eyes widen for a moment- Casey isn't sure if it is out of contempt or surprise or guilt, she could never fully analyze the detective-just for the deadly brown to...glisten?

"I know you remember..." that sultry voice trails into something soft, gentle; the way she speaks to victims. But Casey never gets this tone when Olivia interacts with her. Her voice is either laced with pleasure or nothing at all. She figures Olivia went out of her way to do this to show that this _agreement _is only for pleasure and for her not to feel anything deeper. _Too late _she sadly muses.

But she remembers Olivia asked her a question.

"Remember what-?"

"You know what I'm talking about," she snaps, brown eyes flashing out of it's sympathetic and vulnerable gaze, to something narrow and indignant. She must've seen the shock and the initial fear in the A.D.A's green eyes, the slight tremors in her wrist when she all but shouted, when she lets out a sigh and mumbles "In the park..."

The minute the three words grace the air Casey knows just what the detective is talking about, the pain she felt when those verbal knives slashed her heart with each syllable; the emotional pain just as worse when she finds her daughter absent from her room. Yeah she remembered... "And," she barely mumbles, eyes cowardly hitting the floor. As potent the memory is Casey, throughout these eight days, managed to keep those humiliated feelings at bay since despair and fear for her daughter took over. But as she thinks of herself, slouched over, taking Olivia's words in, the insecure dirty emotions riddles back into her skin and it shows in the frown of her pale face.

The silence is booming with heartache and shame and for once Casey doesn't care. Her daughter is safe in her bed, seemingly unharmed, and _Olivia _saved her so...there is nothing worth fighting for when her little love is home, safe, with her mother.

Apparently Olivia doesn't think the same.

"C'mon Casey!" she screams but somehow, not even the A.D.A knows herself, she expects that response and keeps her eyes on the floor. "I know you want to say something. Come just say it! Say it!" Casey could hear the strain and desperation in the detective's voice but she still remains silent. Perhaps this is her clandestine way to get back at the detective. To show her that a heart is nothing to be toyed with, that the potent, gut-wrenching pain Olivia feels is _nothing _to the humiliation and shame she felt that day standing in the park. So Olivia could scream on, well she's not waking Emily,because she's not rebutting. This is the sweetest revenge.

"So you're not going to answer me?" She barks and though Casey isn't staring at her, she could feel the intensity of her dark gaze on her forehead.

She hates that it's happening, a feeling that is very much undeserved, but the guilt begins to travel throughout her body. Though Olivia deserves this, if not more, her natural caring nature cannot inflict pain to another human being...unless they are her defendants who definitely doesn't deserve her compassion and sympathy due to their own vices. With a hated sigh she finally looks up at the detective, to be struck by the pain embedded in those beautiful shapes of brown. It makes the guilt strike harder, the feeling slowly trailing throughout her heart, until she heaves a sigh and stands up; green eyes boring in brown.

"Why should I say anything?" Casey could feel her voice waver, but with a sigh she pulls through with her expression unperturbed. "Why should _I _be forced to say anything to you except thanking you for finding my daughter?" Casey's angry but she didn't forget, or never could forget, the gracious love she has for the detective because of her tenacious behavior involving her daughter. "After all, I'm just a whore right?"

She could see the features of the detective's throat quiver when the brunette swallows spit.

"That's what you want, huh?" She continues to bitterly taunt, invading the detective's space, getting a whiff of the subtle scent of leather, coffee, and her Burberry perfume; the lovely concoction of Olivia she finds so intoxicating.

But that didn't deter the fact that she was mad as hell!

"You want me to tell you how much I fucking hate you. How I want to kick you down to the ground and spit in your face." Casey's pushing her luck, lord knows the intense amount of restraint and control the detective is grasping, and perhaps she was being a bit rash, but still...Olivia hurt her and she should pay.

"Fine." The word bounces off the room, shifting the already angered tone to a frightening slate. "I hate you. I fucking hate you so much." The Casey from a couple weeks ago would've never thought she could say harsh words, especially afflicted to the detective...the woman she loves.

For someone who she thought brings her such joy, the facts show that the cold brunette has only brought hate to her life...and self-esteem. Every Thursday when the detective left her, most of the time she didn't say a word or sometimes she slips into casual conversation, which Casey realizes is _worse _than anything, her heart always seem to sink even deeper...till now, where it rots into her stomach. When Olivia finally slipped out of her shell of subtle disrespect for Casey and went out of her way to hurt her at the playground, the ginger hated herself for feeling this empty, this raw that words affected her, her self-esteem, her self-worth, like this. So maybe her heart didn't want to tell itself that it could hate a person it originally thought it could love forever, but her brain was surely thinking otherwise. And for once, for once involving _Olivia, _she was going to use her brain.

"I hate that you think so low of me, but what you said in the park..." Her heart was really making this difficult for her. Her voice trails, words lacking in diffidence, when she thinks, memorizes, what the brunette said to her. How low and stupid it made her feel, and that stupidity, that shame, made her words raw again as she glares at the stunned brunette. "It was inexcusable. I am _no one's _whore!" she growls, angrily poking the detective's chest with every word being spit out of her mouth.

"I don't know why I put myself in this position, why I pried myself in a relationship that was already failing but the truth is, detective, _you're _the whore!" She spits the word out, mirroring the acrid and sheer bitterness the detective toned it back at the playground. Hopefully the output of shock and pain will mirror in the detective's heart.

It must have; those brown eyes grew wide and watery, supple lips, that she once wanted to kiss and suck, formed an wide 'O'. And for once, Casey didn't give a damn.

"You're the one who had what seem to be a perfect relationship, but _you're _the whore that ruined it by sleeping around. Hey" she roughly shrugs, " for all I know, I'm not the only side piece you have. Maybe there's more, a blonde, or maybe Alex!" She's getting angrier, letting the thought process in her muse fueled with anger. "Alex was pretty and when she came back to help _my _case, you flocked for her like a damn school girl! Maybe that's why you don't want me. I'm not _blonde _enough! Not pretty enough for -"_  
><em>

"Stop!" That's the one word the detective managed to slip into the heat of Casey's rage; a word so torn, raw and distorted...beaten. _She _looks beaten, eyes glazed with what should be shame and pity. It's what she deserves. "I didn't..." It was the detective's turn to have her voice drenched with diffidence and unsurety. Maybe, hopefully, the brunette feels the same shred of dignity the ginger had when she was in the playground. "I'm sorry..."

Her dark eyes remain on the ginger's, _still _managing to slip her out her haze of anger to gaze at them. The stoic woman always showed a plethora of emotions through those brown orbs. They lay so wide on her own, taking in her whole face, memorizing it, as if she knew that this will be their last encountering aside from work. That this will be the last time that Olivia will be able to see Casey in a faded white tee, _no bra, _and loose flannel shorts. But through the subtle act of weakness and pity on the ginger's part came a look so soft, so whimpering, gentle-like, from the detective. Her brown eyes stalk the green, mouth open, breath escaping her lips from the closeness they've shared because of their heated argument, chest heaving as she pants out her apology...Casey couldn't control herself...

What an idiot...

Her lips are on the detective's before she could even process what is happening; she still can't think after those soft lips she's yearn to touch are against her own. Somehow her anger and despair and shame have manage to dissipate when the warm flesh is on her...she feels that bliss that her heart initially felt for the brunette before her brain and _facts _interrupted it. She feels even further elated with love when those lips move and respond with her own.

When those full lips sway with her own, Casey moves away, embarrassed, mentally preparing for _another _verbal scolding from the detective. It was a major surprise when tan hands grab the back off the A.D.A's head, cuffing red locks, to pull her back in, clearly showing her intention. Before it was soft and gentle; virginal... Now their tongues fought for dominance, lacing with one another; weeks of pent up sexual frustration finally being released into the wonderful detective's mouth. _Boy did she know how to kiss..._

"Jesus" Casey couldn't help but whisper, leaning her body forward, slipping into the temptation of letting her body touch the warmth of the woman before her. Strong hands grab the A.D.A's waist, pulling her forward, Olivia _also _seeking for some physical contact when a low groan escapes the brunette's lips, eliciting a smile from her own lips. Casey is lost, transfixed in the heat and-dare she say it- _care_ Olivia is giving that she doesn't feel the sharp wind of a turn and the swift, slightly painful, thud to her back when it dawns on her that their positions have changed. But after the initial jolt of shock to her heart had deaden, she realizes that this shouldn't surprise her. That Olivia was extremely dominant and possessive in all fields, and sex shouldn't be any different. Even when the detective was groaning and grunting under the ginger, she always held a strong grip to the back of her hair, directed, more like _demanded _the ginger's every direction when she was going down on her. So now, having her hands flipped over her head with it pinned by the detective's tight grip, it didn't surprise nor affect her.

It only aroused her.

Casey nearly moans the moment the detective's weight is pressed on her own;strong hips rolling over her slim ones. She's yearned for this for _so _long and just when she thought it would never happen in her lifetime, those soft pink lips are on her own. She wants to touch, just feel and explore toned muscles under her palm, but she'll settle with that deprivation if Olivia keeps touching her and kissing her like this. For a moment she slips out of her cloud of elated lust and arousal to fully gaze at the detective, noticing the mirrored expression- low-lidded eyes, dark and dilated pupils, mouth half open- and she wants nothing more of this, this connection and physical awareness. But as she watches the detective kiss the column of her neck the realization dawns on her that she wants more.

Casey needs to hear her... _but how? _Olivia isn't all for conversation when the ginger's head is between her legs; almost as if she's trying to block out her current setting, aside from the plummeting pleasure Casey is giving her. But she needs that voice, for that deep resonant tone to tell her that this is what she wants, needs, _craves; _the same as how Casey feels for her. It's a risk, Olivia could simply chicken out and never speak of this moment again, but she needs this for heart so it could never be guarded for the detective. She wants so badly to open her heart to Olivia...

"I need you so much..." she starts in a helpless, but truthful, whisper, stealing a heavy kiss as she inadvertently coils a pale leg around the detective's sturdy waist. Hopefully this could get the detective to speak up and reveal those hidden feelings that the A.D.A so desperately wants to hear.

She's only left with the silence of her own breathy moans.

_Let's try this again. _"Please..." she whispers some more in Olivia's ear, kissing the flesh underneath it, grinding her hips into the strong woman's. That elicited a soft grunt from the detective, something she found incredibly sexy, but still no prize with actual verbal appreciation.

She wants to give in, her _body _wants to shut up and give into the lovely touches the detective is giving, but her heart, that organ that is barely living on a respirator, needs the reassurance that this isn't a mistake.

Well Olivia must've misinterpret for another want- not exactly misinterpret since she _did _want this, just she _needed _something else first- because she feels air under her other foot, watches the brunette quickly kneel over her and in second flat, before she falls backward and hit her head, Casey's wrists are cuffed behind the detective's neck, legs linked around sturdy hips, and she's being brought to the couch. The detective places her on the cushion softly, which is surprising and a bit uplifting to her; makes her feel cherished. _That's a start...__  
><em>

But that sense of chivalry doesn't last long; she's returned with her hands above her head and her lips smashed with a bruising, but surprisingly stimulating, kiss. Back at the wall, Olivia seemed to be limited to Casey's face and neck ...kissing and sucking there. But here on this couch her hands- well the one hand that isn't attached to Casey's wrist, are everywhere; up and down the subtle curve of her hips, caressing her abdomen, grazing past her ribcage to make a thorough cup of her t-shirt clad breast.

"Oh god!" All the blood seem to rush and flow down between her legs, making her feel a bit lightheaded in a euphoric sense. That thumb grazes past her nipple and all sense of control is lost from the ginger. That long, strangled moan is something that needed to be released for weeks and she needs more of them, she needs Olivia. _I need her... _"Baby..."

"Mmhmm..." goes the reply of the brunette above her as she roughly repeats the sweet assault to the ginger's breast, eliciting various sounds of appreciation from her. She said something, Casey thinks, but it's not enough to crave the insecurities and anxieties of her heart. She needs a coherent thought.

"You feel so good," she compliments in a soft whisper, rolling her eyes behind her head when warm, wet kisses trail to her bare chest, down to her sternum clothed by cotton.

She'd think the detective would reply or at least nod that her thought was heard, but her only response is the feeling of a cold draft assault her abdomen, now her ribs, finally perking up her newly exposed breasts as the detective clumsily throws her shirt over her red hair, carelessly dropping it to the floor.

Casey's freezing, she's nervous; she's completely topless beneath the detective, chest, breast and _heart, _exposed for someone who _still _hasn't said a coherent thought to her. Inadvertently she wiggles her arms trying to break free from the detective's grip, to cover the shame and embarrassment she feels for herself, but alas Olivia has a strong hold like the strength of handcuffs. What could she say now? It's going to happen. Her heart and body are thumping for pure release and she couldn't hold out on herself any longer. She _burns _for Olivia...

"Please..." For once she's begging to be stroked for physical release and not emotional- not that Olivia's noticed. She needs to be touched...

The detective seems to read her blatant need- her dilated green eyes, mouth agape, fidgeting body, and helpless moans should've been serious context clues- when that deadly tongue slowly licks her sternum, something that is dangerously close yet annoyingly far away from her breasts. She honestly can't take anymore but she no longer has the energy to beg; she'll just follow the detective's lead and persuade the detective with the reactions of her body. And she did; Olivia's hand is everywhere. It's a bit hesitant and unsure, but this _is_ Olivia'sfirst time touching so this is to be expected. Casey groans in disappointment when Olivia's hand grazes down her breast to slip under her loose flannel shorts.

_So here it goes... _Olivia is going to do it. All these weeks of unfulfilled self-pleasure will be released with Olivia's fingers. Okay, so what Olivia didn't want to talk now; there is always room for post-coital spooning and mindless conversation. Just when those fingers slip fully inside her shorts, long digits caressing the now drenched material of her cotton panties- driving her mad with hurried moans- she whispers in her ear, finally saying a thought, finally articulating what's gonna on in that closet mind.

"I can't wait to fuck you..."

The words come out in a throaty whisper and a promise, it is sexy as hell but..._no! _Those _aren't _the first words that should be said. It should've been something sweet and soft; not something that makes her feel like..._a whore. _The second the word is thought, she immediately thinks of herself, standing there like an idiot in the playground, getting wet at the taunting, yet arousing, insults Olivia said to her. And that dirty, shameful feeling rekindles inside of her, making her freeze aside from the formation of scowl on her flushed face. No this was Olivia's last chance to show that she isn't a hurtful bitch and she ruined it with something cheap and tacky.

She feels like she's going to throw up.

"Stop." She's not even sure if Olivia heard her, or if she actually articulated the thought out loud, but all she knows when the detective tries to slip a finger inside of her, the proof that her self-deprecation is in fact accurate, she stiffens and let's out a loud growl. "Get off!"

It surely stunned Olivia; the brunette lifts her head and gives an inquisitive look but the ginger is too heated and fed up to hear fully explain in a mature manner.

"I knew this was gonna happen. I don't even know why I sat here feeding into this!" She snatches her hands out of the detective's hold, wincing at the air hitting the sure to be reddened wrists as she pushes from under the confused brunette and on to finding her shirt.

"Casey-"

She doesn't want to hear it; if she does, she just might feed into the crap Olivia gives her and it'll be a never-ending, painful cycle of stupidity and masochism.

"No!" She growls out, glaring at her as she sits up, bending down to get her discarded shirt. "I will _not _let you do this to me again," she throws the shirt over her head in a rampant tug. "I am noone's whore."

"Casey I didn't mean that-" Olivia sounds so soft and vulnerable...a bit desperate as she gets up and tries to touch the A.D.A, her arms anything to get her back to her side. But she can't; Olivia finally fucked up.

"I think you need to leave," she mumbles in a low tone, looking away from the detective to collect her composure. She knows herself, knows her weaknesses, and she definitely knows Olivia _is _her weakness; it would've been impossible to tell that to the gorgeous face with confidence.

_This is for the best..._

"Casey you don't want me to go..." Her voice seems unwavering, borderline shaky, but she couldn't face Olivia. She just needed her to go so she could cry herself to sleep like every other Thursday; their _last _Thursday.

"Olivia...I said for you-"

"I don't give a damn what you said, we're going to talk!" The ginger's hand is quickly taken into the brunette's and it feels so warm and safe...but she knows it's an illusion. Olivia Benson isn't safe for the heart and it pisses her heart that she can't be.

"I said get the hell out!" She yells out, snatching her hand to her side, closing her eyes to shut out the pain, the sorrow in her heart, and Olivia's expression. She hears a defeated sigh from beside her and the weight lift from her sofa..and those footsteps to the door are utterly painful. The minute the door closed came a small little ginger, clad in bug's bunny pajamas, running up to her lap, overwhelming her with a hug and kiss to the cheek. It's affection she wants, needs, and is blessed to have at this moment.

"Mommy everything will be okay.."

* * *

><p>When the detective finally closes the door shut behind her, the pletora of emotions finally hit her like a fret train. Fear, anger, stupidity, arousal, <em>love, <em>comes in wet tears as she makes her way to the elevator. How could she be so stupid? Of course Casey couldn't trust her after the repugnant things that was said to her. Olivia just wished that Casey knew that she _wanted _to say something, that she felt so much kissing and holding her, how she wants _more _than just kissing...but her throat clogged and that was the only thing that slipped out her scurrying thoughts. _I want to fuck you...how disgusting!_

Disgust; that's the one word that will describe her as a whole; as a girlfriend to Elliot, as a...whatever to Casey, and as a _friend _to Casey. She'll never be lucky to surround herself with that love and friendship the fellow A.D.A had for her...

...she's doomed with isolation.

**So there you have it; a big ass chapter. Review for chapter 13 :)**


	13. Pain

**Happy belated Mother's day everyone :) This also goes to the Dads who are both a mother and father in their children's lives. I applaud you guys, handling kids like us ^_^ Oh and it's six in the morning so all mistakes are mine till I check it at a more respectable hour :)**

Olivia finds herself lost, holding back the tears as she curls into the touch of her boyfriend. It was true; every single word Casey said was true. She's just an attention-seeking whore who ruined a perfectly good relationship. Yeah maybe sex isn't a strong point in their lives but she couldn't spoken to Elliot about it. Instead she threw herself to a colleague, a _woman, _for something as frivolous as sexual activity; something that could be handled with a simple mechanical device. She's selfish; she went on focusing on her own pleasure and feelings without the thought for the consideration of returning the favor for the ginger until it was too late... When she's restraining tears in the nook of a neck that _isn't _female; that isn't _her. _

This would be easier if Elliot was a jerk- a man who was selfish, arrogant and downright abusive; at least _then _she could walk away. _Then _she could go home in her lonesome bed, glad that in the end she did the right thing of wiping away the negativity in her life. But no;Elliot is extremely caring, loyal, and a passionate man. He fights vehemently for what he believes in, a habit that usually had him in riffs with their former A.D.A Alex, but aside of his plummeting petulance, he is a sweet man who insists on loving Olivia to the potency that he could grasp.

_Ugh this sucks. _

She feels him stiffen beside her; his slightly scruffy chin frozen on the top of her head. He knows, she muses, maybe not exactly what, but she knows he's figured out something is off. He's too quiet, too reserved, too distant and, like herself, that means his thoughts are a discordance of anger, confusion, and outright suffering. That isn't fair- well _nothing _from this situation is cheerful, but he shouldn't have to be the one in a confusing agony because of _her _infidelity. Besides...she didn't need him asking questions. He's a phenomenal interrogator, has a few years ahead of her when it comes to the caliber of skill, and also..she doesn't know if she has the emotional strength to lie to him anymore. The omission of the truth strikes knives in her heart; an outright lie just might kill her.

But still throughout all this, Elliot's obvious internal ferocity, her own smiting feeling of internal guilt, she couldn't help but think of Casey's response and _her_ feelings. _You're a bitch, _goes her somber conscience. Her boyfriend could potentially be going through hell and she's thinking about her_, _the _mistress_, and it's _with _clothes on! What happened to her? The better question is: what happened to _them? _Things were easier when Olivia came over, had a powerful orgasm, got dressed and went home to the arms of a loving boyfriend. She felt less guilty then; perhaps she felt like she wasn't doing anything wrong then since she wasn't _feeling _anything. That she, like every women, was _entitled _to have an orgasm and she sought to get it through alternative and drastic measures. But now she's here, curled next to a man that isn't wanted, thinking of a woman that _doesn't _want her any longer, thinking, memorizing, sighing at a nearly naked Casey hot and ready on her couch.

Never has she been so wet watching someone else's pleasure, a _woman's _pleasure for that matter. The A.D.A's creamy body is absolutely immaculate, aside from a trail of freckles, which Olivia personally thought it added to her pulchritude. But what got her, what _still _gets her, laying in this bed, is Casey's face. Her high cheeks mirroring the hue of her beautiful, full hair. Her green eyes dilating, darkening to a color that perturbed her; no one ever expressed such heat, such want, such primal _need, _in the way that Casey did when she was either hiked up on the wall or sprawled on the couch. Her sounds of appreciation, her begging...her needing _everything. _

_Thanks to you I won't have that. _

Her mind could back trace to herself in that moment, fingers lightly stroking the soaked fabric of the ginger's panties, how wanton the ginger's posture was, that she couldn't feel her own shift.

_Wait, what? _

_"_Dammit Liv, what is it now?" he barks, catching the female detective off guard. She must've been deep into thought considering that he is no longer beside her, silent, in a stilled position. He is now hovering her, her own NYPD shorts lopsided off her hips, blue eyes scorning in a mix of disgust and unsheltered pain. He definitely knows...

It's that bleak expression gawking at her that made her realize that his question isn't rhetorical.

"El," her deceit and infidelity is clearly revealed in her soft, broken tone, "what are you-"

"Just tell me!" he interrupts in a sharp command, blue eyes no longer holding that warm, soulful glow she's use to seeing. Now she gets the resembled glare which he gives to pedophiles and rapists.

She deserves it...

Her mind is tossing and turning for another lie, to tell him that he's misreading things, or she's not in the mood, but she's grown too tired of the lies and guilt. She won't lie if he asked her, but she's still going to let her deceit run its course.

Apparently Elliot sees this differently.

His jaw is the tightest that it's ever been, eyes wide and watery like no other day, and his veins are protruding from him skin of his neck and temple. He must think she's mocking him but in all honesty Olivia's trying to get the truth to be revealed. To finally lift her heavy heart that's been drenched with guilt, heartache, and self-deprecated shame. But of course his one-tracked mind, especially blinded in this haze of rage, doesn't give him the privilege of seeing it the brunette's way.

"You know _damn _well what this is, Olivia," he growls, leaping off the bed to pace around it. She figures he does this to censor himself from doing something rash; something that she never thought he had to do involving their relationship. Well she _also _thought she wouldn't sleep with a woman, or _fall _for one for that matter.

_Things change..._

"Ellio-"

"No!" He's not having this. He's done with the excuses, the nervous chuckles, the secretive gazes. He wants the truth and nothing but it, but Olivia couldn't find the words. They stay locked in her throat, begging for restraint, begging for her mind to give _one _more excuse, _one _more brushoff until she could reveal her horrid affair. That burned look of wrath and pain tells it all and a piece of herself tears every second she keeps his gaze, but she just...couldn't. He'll have to beat it out of her..

"I am sick of this; tiptoeing around this tension that's grown between us. C'mon Liv we...I thought..." His heart is breaking, his resonant tone shaky and frail, but through all this Olivia managed to keep her tears intact in her eyes and her expression neutral. She's been like this for so long that her body has grown a resistance against his blatant turmoil. It learned to remain calm while her partner died inside...

"Who is he?"

There it was; the final question. The question that was eerily even and steady, a fact. For once his eyes aren't on hers and she's grateful for that. Surely she would've broken down with her broken heart, the pieces that Casey's shattered, on her sleeve. She can't lie anymore and she _wouldn't_ lie. She's giving him what he wanted and only the question _he _asked...

"No one...there's no other man in my life."

* * *

><p>Casey finds her eyes on her little clone, stroking her scarlet curls, trying her damn near hardest not to break down and shiver into the warmth of the little girl. Emily isn't stupid, she knows when her mother is in pain, but for the life of her, the wee bit of pride and composure she has left, she keeps her tears unshed. After long minutes of consoling, she parts from her daughter's touch to fully stare at her. Those electric blue orbs stalk her, shifting in its gaze to thoroughly study the A.D.A's face. Looks like this always freaked Casey out a bit; it always made her feel the Emily sees something that isn't capable for the typical naked eye to view. That something mystical, or cursing depending the circumstances, is out there and Casey couldn't do anything about it. It is stupid thought that she hasn't revealed to anyone outside of her own muse, but it's a recurring thought that seems more and more plausible the older her daughter gets.<p>

"You're crying...mommies aren't suppose to cry.." If Emily only knew the turmoil that Olivia's caused her, what _she _caused herself by continuing to _let _the detective corrupt her, the little ginger would second guess that rule. But still, the seven year old is right. She isn't suppose to show this side of her, allow the depression to affect her job as a mother: that no matter how strenuous the issue is to _never _make it visible to her daughter. But she's failed, which isn't a surprise because she fails in everything: her job as a supportive girlfriend to Charlie, a job as a compromising and sacrificing wife to Trevor, a full time mother to Emily, a _girlfriend _to Abbie, and alas a lover with Olivia. The only thing that seems to be going for her is her job and now she's wondering if her 'dream' was worth all the lost, the pain, and the opportunities she's missed because of it.

"I'm...I'm fine baby." She's a horrible liar, making her a wonderful prosecutor and a horrible defense attorney, and Emily sees the blatant fallacy but somehow has the wisdom not to speak on it because there is no purpose of it. It's obvious she's a mess, a horrid mass of shame and pain encircles her and by someone pointing it out, it'll only make the gaping hole bloody.

"Is Olivia a nice person?"

There's no black and white reply for her daughter's question, hell Casey isn't even sure if she could give a gray answer for herself. In theory does Olivia have a soul and a big heart? Yes. She's helped hundreds of women and children face the most difficult and traumatic experiences in their lives. Did she put her life on the line daily to save a case? Yes. But did she seem to care about her lover's feelings? No. Did she bothered to wonder what Casey wanted besides something between her legs? No. But as a whole, an average of the characterization of detective Olivia Benson, is Olivia a good person?

"Yes," she answers after a long pause. Putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder, she continues "Detective Benson saves lives everyday, including yours. Don't ever forget that." Her tone is soft to show her daughter that she isn't meant to be disciplinary nor tough, but it's even to show its depth and sincerity. A few flaws aside, Olivia is a good person.

Emily seems to take that with a small nod. "Okay mom...but I don't want to see you cry again.."

Casey makes a concurred nod, attempting to make a one-sided grin as she replies "Me neither. But uh get to bed, kiddo. It's late."

With a small smile Emily gives a quick peck on the lips and dashes back to her room, tiny footsteps lightly cackling the wooden floor. When the door's close is the perfect time for Casey to break down, to fully accept what's happened between she and the detective this late evening. That she got her wish of kissing her, among more she thought she could only dream about, but deep down, subjectively in her conscience, Olivia couldn't give her what she really needed.

Her heart.

* * *

><p><strong>So I was gonna make this chapter longer and put bits of the case and the mystery of Emily's kidnapping in it, but then it would've been too long. So I decided to split this chapter into two so sorry if it seems a bit short and vague but this chapter is very important to next chapter, which you'll get if you review. Hoped you enjoyed :)<strong>


	14. Paranoia

**Again, totally sorry for the delay. But as a consolation, I made this chapter fat and juicy. :)**

It took work for Casey to get out of bed this past week. It feels better this way, to be totally oblivious to the world and just lay in bed along with her daughter for eternity. Unfortunately, life didn't suit her benefit and she had to get up...and to see _her. _It's been about two weeks since the kidnapping but the detectives were on it as if it was yesterday. There was a constant shift of cops patrolling are building twenty four hours day, Olivia the primary detective of course. Usually there was a cop circling her building and the brunette in her home incase the unknown perp was bold enough to break in, but now, especially after that night, Olivia hasn't stepped foot in her apartment.

Casey tries not to think of it but her mind always have a way of betraying her desires.

The little sleep she's gotten the past few days consisted of Olivia throwing her against the wall, or the couch, and sometimes she let herself complete what Olivia _would've_ done had she said the right thing. It stimulates and aggravates her that she could get excited thinking about how cold and deflective the detective was to her that night. How her seemingly unsure and inexperienced hands seem to stroke and burn every waking nerve in her body. _Fuck! _She's suppose to hate her for making her feel like a cheap floozy, but the thick haze of pleasure and overwhelming stimulation shadowed that appropriate reaction toward the detective.

She hates a woman that made her unintentionally climax in her sleep. _Yay. _

Her scurrying thoughts of self-deprecation and shameful arousal stops when she hears tiny, short-paced footsteps appearing louder as seconds go by. A smile creeps across her previously grave expression when her daughter comes in and leaps on the bed, giggling softly to herself as the little one bounces from her actions. "Someone's up early." Luckily with Emily here, Casey hasn't found the convenient time, aside from the same night, to fully break down into the depression that lives with her internally. She refuses to ruin her daughter's life anymore than she already has, not being there predominately, letting her get kidnapped, refusing to settle with marrying Trevor.

Olivia isn't worth that much of a sacrifice.

"I had a dream so I woke up," the little one smiles, briefly, before it fades as she lets out a lazy shrug. Casey senses in her posture and behavior that evidently it wasn't a pleasant one nor she wanted to talk about it. Emily has this smile, though it nearly mirrors her mother's her electric blue eyes and fresh cut dimples make it more hypnotic, and she uses it as a defense mechanism to get people off her case.

That's the one area that they are complete opposites; if Casey's afraid she shows _no _emotion contrast to Emily's overly cheery character.

Emily's been happier than ever this week...and that scares the A.D.A.

"A dream, eh?" Inadvertently Casey squeezes her eyes shut, mentally kicking herself in the ass for bringing it up. She's a prosecutor and her natural character when conversing with people comes off as an...interrogation at times, and just now she heard the slight edge of skepticism and accusation in her tone. As expected the small girl furrows her brow as her eyes nervously dart to the floor.

"It's...it was just a dream so...can I go back to sleep now?"

Sometimes Casey feels that Emily is only this distant with her because she isn't around the A.D.A as frequent as she likes, and isn't exactly comfortable to admit her fears and inadequacies to the ginger. It hurts her and it makes her boil with rage that Trevor would do this, but she has to play with the hand that's dealt to her and she'll do anything to seek happiness in the small child.

"Sure baby," she sadly replies, wishing she could do more.

Emily gives Casey a peck on the cheek before she climbs out of the bed and dashes out of the room, on to her own. When she hears the soft thud of Emily's door close, she slides further into her bed and wraps herself in the cool cloth of her silk sheets. It's been a long week, she thinks with an exhausted sigh. Between the Olivia situation _and _her daughter's kidnapping juggling her mind, she's shocked that she had the strength to keep her eyes open. Well she could finally drift off to sleep...

Not until she hears..._that!_

The sound isn't distinctively identifiable, nothing too loud and sharp, but it surely gets her flying into an upright position scurrying her head in numerous directions. Among her sex-crazed fantasies of Olivia taking her hard and fast, she's had terrifying nightmares of the perpetrator returning to her home to kidnap Emily, perhaps something worse, brutal, the second time around. Her typical maternal instincts had grown erratic and rash because of this whole kidnapping and it's gotten worse when Emily's home, 'safe', in her apartment. She wants to just lock up the little one in her bedroom and keep her there, safe, forever, and the fact that it's not safe nor healthy to do, it scares the living hell out of her.

Letting the initial shock and fear trail into pure instinct and adrenaline, she leaps out of bed, making sure her toes hit the floor lightly, and grabs the bat she now has under her bed. She's been fooled once to think that her daughter is safe in her grasp, but her naivety has seized; the next person who tries to bring harm to she and her family will get iron to their skull.

Slowly she slips between the small space that's left in the opened door, peeks her head to look at the longer half of the hallway before she lets out a jagged sigh. From this angle she could only see a straight view of her front door, which appears to be locked and unarmed, but she didn't have view of her living room _or _kitchen and with her heart galloping in her chest, it surely didn't help.

The only room she has close access to is her daughter's room. The most important room.

With one more courageous breath and an extra grip to the base of the bat, she takes one hand off as she slowly walks to her daughter's door, frequently looking behind her incase of stealth guards. She's terrified; if there are men in her house they could have guns and could do far more damage then a short-distanced bat could. But she needed to do what she could and as of now, the bat had to suffice. Finally at the door, she slowly shapes her hand to fit the knob, slowly turning it and steadily opens the door, sharply but quietly waving her instrument in the air with her head flying in all directions. From what she could see, everything is in it's usual place; daughter shockingly still sleep in her bed, possessions not destroyed or moved. Okay Emily is okay, she thinks with a sigh, but there are more rooms in this apartment that needs to be checked out and she'd be damned if she's going to sleep without checking them.

Determination and adrenaline returning to her veins, she escorts herself out of the room, mutely closing it behind her, and begins to walk the hallway; a hall in theory that doesn't have much square feet but still manages to feel like a whole coliseum. Has she begins to see more and more of her house, her grip of her bat gets tighter, her heart beats with such potency she's bound to drop at this rate, and her eyes widen. She's at the conjuncture of her living room and hall, giving her view of the right side of the large room and all she could is her large windows, half of the sofa and her plasma. From here it seems like they are all in the right place so she continues to walk with guard, the grip on her bat just as tight, if not tighter. As she walks around she's noticed that things are in order and now she believes that it it just her simple paranoia that concocted the sound in her head. The kitchen is fine, bathroom, both of the bedrooms, and her living room. There isn't another place to check.

_Wow you've honestly lost it, _she thinks with a sigh, hunching her shoulders, almost dragging the roof of the bat to the floor as she trudges back into her bedroom. And as her heart finally begins to regulate in normalcy, it dawns on her that she, and possibly Emily, could've been killed. She didn't call Olivia, not that she wanted to but it would've been the safest option, nor she had a weapon that was long-ranged to do actual damage. She's failed, _again, _as a mother and a protector. Why did she do this to herself and her daughter? As painful as it sounds, it seems like her daughter would be safe if Trevor had her full time..._no! _Emily is her daughter and she's _entitled _to take care of her and get to know her. She birthed her and _she _was the first one the mini-ginger saw when those electric blue eyes opened. In fact she didn't see her father until a month later while he was 'out on business' in Paris.

Now she could finally sleep...finally.

She can the minute the damn phone stops ringing!

With a muffled and annoyed groan, Casey stretches her arm to get the phone off the nightstand, answering it without bothering to look at the caller id.

"Novak," the ginger groans in a clearly aggravated note.

"Oh...hey," the clearly flustered female tone replies, awkwardly clearing her throat. "I could call back later if you'd like..."

Casey never thought that she'd hear the deep rasp of the woman's tone again...especially by the way she inadvertently shunned her these past few weeks.

"No, no it's fine Abbie," she says, lifting herself to a sitting position. "How's it going?"

"I could be asking you the same question."

Yes it's true; Casey's had an emotional, heartbreaking month and she could range her despair and pain from the loss of her daughter, to the terrible mistreat Olivia Benson has done to her heart. She really could go down the line, in fact a part of her wants to vent at a third party, but she's grown numb, tired of sheer ache.

It'll be easier to never speak of her again...

"It's been a tough time," she decides to go truthfully, "but I'm putting my life back to order. But uh...anyway, how 'bout you? What's new?"

There's a pause through the phone conversation, and it's Abbie detecting Casey's core emotions; something she'd always found unsettling. "I just...I just.." the Texan sighs, "want to say that I'm sorry for not seeing you. I tried any excuse to get up there but my boss is a real dick...and a frugal one."

_That _somehow brings a smile to the ginger's face, that someone finally wants _her _for a change. She's gotten, aside from Abbie's dark humor and fluid sexuality, that the southerner has a kind, concerning heart and makes it her business to shine her jubilance to those in need.

"It's okay Ab-" Though Casey has a dismissive laugh coming along, the Texan apparently doesn't find it funny.

"-No it's not okay. I'm supposed to be there to help you get through this, and I wasn't!"

"I had the squad with me Abbie," Casey softly smiles, touched at Abbie's concern. "They were there every step of the way. I had friends-"

"You know we're not _just _friends," she interrupts sternly, halting Casey's humor to a stop.

"Abbie..."

And she inadvertently brings it up, which isn't much of a surprise. When she and Abbie talk for long periods of time, somehow the past manages to jump into conversation. And Abbie's right; they were so much more. Their relationship surpassed any friendship she's ever had and it still brings a strike of pain to her heart when she remembers what she's done. She used her, manipulated and toyed with the Texan's heart for her personal gain and yet Abbie _still _found a way to forgive her. And that's what makes it worse. That Abbie can't find the internal anger to lash out at her. Her guilt will dissipate if she had...but it's been four years. That'll never happen, unfortunately.

"I know, I know, forget it never happened, I know," the brunette replies with a sigh. "All I know is that I should've been there for you...and I will now if...if you'd like."

Again, Abbie is simply the sweetest woman she's ever met, and it would be simple to love her. The woman is tall, smart, funny, career-orientated, and just wholeheartedly beautiful. Why couldn't she love her? Because another woman already has her heart, voluntary or not.

"You don't have to..." she begins to say and sighs when she hears a disappointed "okay" as a replie.

"It's not...it's not like I don't want you to-"

"You just don't want Emmy to see me," she interjects icily, innocence and concern no longer lacing her voice.

Another sigh leaves the A.D.A's lips as she runs her fingers through her disheveled crimson curls. She hates when Abbie does this, bring up the past, forcing her to relive her vindictiveness and selfishness. "I can't take that chance Abbie...I'm completely sorry for what I did before but Emily...I need to have my daughter in my life-"

"That was _four_ years ago! I highly doubt she remembers what happened-"

"I can't take that chance-"

"Because I'm such a horrible, deviant right?" she snorts bitterly. "I'm sorry, I got it wrong," she continues in a mocking tone, "I _ruin the sanctity of marriage." _

The ginger's hand grows clammy against the phone. "You know that's not what I meant and..." her heart hammers, eyes closing shut as her thoughts pierce her in various directions.

This needs to stop.

"I'm not having this conversation-"

"Of course you're not! You never want to-"

"Abbie!" It's getting out of hand when she feels tears encircle her eyes. Ironically this is what she wants, for Abbie to take vengeance, but not now, during _this _time. A time when she's at any moment that she could break. "Please..."

There is a low, steady silence before she hears a sigh, an apologetic one, from the other end. "I understand...and I'll respect your wishes. Call me if you need anything."

Before Casey has the chance to reply, she hears a click then a dial tone. Abbie's always first to hang up because she doesn't want to hear and relive the pain Casey has caused, and the ginger understands her reasoning. She's hurt her, _repeatedly,_ and it's obvious Abbie still feels for her. One wouldn't put their heart and pride on the table just to get it crushed by just anybody. She knows that; especially with her own situation, where she could find her heart tear each and every Thursday Olivia picked up her clothes and walked out of her apartment. She and Abbie mirror the pain, the confusion of their own actions, everything, yet she still does it because at the end of the day no one wants be alone.

And Abbie will always be here...

* * *

><p>Somehow through her wave of guilt, Casey got about an hour of uninterrupted sleep. It seemed longer because, for once, there wasn't any horrid dreams of the mysterious kidnapper, or vivid fantasies of Olivia; just silence. Long, black, blissful silence. Even if it was just sixty minutes, she hasn't been this relaxed in a very long time. Unfortunately, she doesn't live alone; she has a daughter and responsibilities to fulfill.<p>

_Welcome back to the real world..._ she grumbles to herself as she laboriously crawls out of bed. She should tidy up the living room but since that seems like _too _much work for her lackadaisical attitude, she decides to pad to the kitchen, initially wanting a light snack but comes across a sink full of dishes, to clean in there. It's what she finds on her kitchen counter that halts her to stop. That makes her blood still for long seconds, long enough that she could feel herself turning pale.

Green eyes widen wildly; her shaky hand manages to shield her gaping, shuttering mouth. There it was; the retaliation; the message her silent kidnappers left.

A butchered dog's head.

Her instinct begs her to scream, shout in a long trailing roar, but her maternal instinct stops that. She's horrified and scared enough; she doesn't need to scare Emily. So she attempts to take deep breaths, failing miserably when they come off shaky as tears trail down her pale cheeks.

The white terrier looked as if it died in sheer agony. Those dull brown eyes, ones that Casey feel were once soft and playful, lay wide on her. The little canine's final thoughts were probably confusion, solid fear, and just..._why? _How could a normal, functioning person take out man's best friend? The same person who could take a child from their own mother... as the response circles her mind the realization hit. This was done carefully, quietly, purposefully, and considering she barely smelled the stench of death, this was damn near recent.

Someone could still be in the house!

"Emily!" she gasps softly as she charges to the little girl's room, resisting her maternal instinct to bolt down the ivory door with practicality and common sense. If they are in this room, she needs to come prepared and quietly.

Like _they _did.

Now with the thought in mind that someone _is _in her home, she softly but hurriedly walks back into the kitchen, failing to overlook the dead animal on her counter, and opens a drawer to take out a sharp butcher knife.

She's coming prepared this time.

She returns to the door in the same speed she left and slowly opens the door, waving the sharp instrument in various directions in the same manner she moved the back just an hour ago. Fortunately she's gotten the same results she did an hour ago: Emily's alone, sleeping, with just the A.D.A's fear and paranoia and relief misting the room. But it's different this time; someone was _actually _ here and the dead canine in her kitchen is the proof. Emily's kidnapping was just the start; whomever hated her with such intensity was sending a message and she's never been so terrified.

She just might have to call her...

Casey wants to pretend that this never happened, that this is some sick dream her mind managed to concoct, but with the immensity of peril she's caught in, she can't just overlook this. She needs comfort, that trained womanly touch that makes other's feel as if they will be okay. That this is just a rough patch in her life that's manageable to live through. The A.D.A hates her, hates herself, what happened between them, but she knows what she needs to keep her sane.

Casey reaches for the phone on the nightstand and begins dialing...

* * *

><p>Olivia sits in her small bedroom, pretending that she's absent from her boyfriend's bigger one because her apartment is closer to Casey's. That she's only here in case of an emergency or lead to Emily's kidnapping. But even <em>she <em>can't hide from herself or the obvious strain that's formed in she and the male detective's relationship.

_And Casey's... _She's been thinking of the redhead for days now, mostly fantasizing what could've been- with her bursting out of sleep in cold sweat- but other times it could be just minuscule things- she and her at the precinct, finding some reason to smile, looking past their bleak and horrid careers to show their humanity and personality.

She did have a beautiful smile...

Other times where they would go out for lunch and slip into easy-going conversation, chuckling lightly over chinese or italian, are the times she's truly missed. First came an agreement, that lead to a friendship, a friendship that trailed into some stronger, till it crumbled as fast as it began. Now she has _no one. _Her left side of the bed remains cold and uncreased. Even before, when Olivia wasn't outwardly friendly with the A.D.A, Casey was always there. But now, she's utterly alone and it's involuntary. Somehow that crushes her pride.

Her racing thoughts ram into silence when she feels the vibration of her phone against her hip. It's a text from Elliot; a _text. _A few short months ago, the male detective yearned to hear her voice any chance he could. Now...he couldn't even look at her without those blue eyes hardening in disgust.

_Decapitated dog left on Novak's kitchen counter. Be there in thirty. _

_Stabler. _

She ignored the blatant coldness and dissociation of the message to analyze the context of the message. Casey...a dog? It didn't make sense; Casey didn't have a dog. As a woman, a friend- she'd like to think of herself to hold that title- her mind scurries of the worst. The kidnapper returning to finish the job, butchering Casey, Emily, _and _a mysterious dog. But as a detective she has to think as she jumps out of bed, throwing on shoes- she's already dressed- and her leather jacket; if they were dead then Elliot would've included it, or told her that Warner was on the scene. Since neither of the two doesn't seem to be evident, then Casey must be okay. Besides, someone had to call the police and Olivia assumes it was Casey.

She must be terrified; all scared with no one to protect her since Casey kicked the detective out a week ago.

_I'll be there soon, baby._

* * *

><p>Olivia's at the apartment in twenty minutes, after distastefully kicking out a customer from a cab with the help of her badge. She considers dirty cops or authority-abusers to be the worse of all criminals, but her hypocrisy currently didn't bother her. This is an emergency and the A.D.A needs emotional consoling, despite her expected immediate decline. After being bombarded by cops, medical examiners and CSU, Casey is going to be drained and humans naturally draw to comfort when needed. She has no one else; Olivia is all she needs and the detective is more than happy to give her the emotional support she desires.<p>

As Olivia presumed, the A.D.A's apartment was filled with crime teams, camera flashes of evidence, medical examiners, etc. It's routine. Though an animal is apparently dead, a _person _sent this out as a message, a bold one, that this isn't over and Emily was just the beginning.

But what _did _surprise the detective, the black sheep among white wool, is _who _Casey is beside.

Carmichael.

The thin woman is sitting beside the ginger, a bit close for friendship _even _through a crisis like this, with the silent A.D.A's head on her shoulder.

Olivia's jaw unconsciously clenches as she watches them, _Casey, _how she seems to gravitate to the dark-haired woman's touch. She could still see that Casey is still terrified, walking into a dead animal could do that to someone, but there's something in those emerald eyes that show... perseverance. Like the ginger has the knowledge that everything will be okay, and it's all because of..._her!_

Jealousy rumbles in the pit of her stomach, continuing to watch them with thorough eyes, picking up the body language, Abbie's thin fingers subtly- and absentmindedly- twirling into the ends of crimson curls, the brunette whispering what Olivia assumes is reassurance in the ginger's ear, Casey clearly buying it!

It's making her sick.

Thankfully, her jealousy and unjustified anger is tamed when she hears the front door open and close behind her, and she feels the presence of a being. It's Elliot, she reveals, eyes cold with disassociation and professionalism. He couldn't even look at her for longer than a few seconds...

"El," she tries, failing miserably to smile as she looks up at him. There's no point; he may not know who took her heart but he damn sure knows it's taken. Smiling and veiling the truth only deepens the wound in his heart.

"Kitchen's that way," he mumbles, looking over her head to what Olivia assumes is the hall leading to the small kitchen. He's already gone before she says yes, but that no longer bothered her.

She has other priorities to sort out.

With a sigh her eyes return on the two women on the couch, whispering something soft that Olivia couldn't detect. She walks over, trying to control her breathing, her temper, so she wouldn't embarrass herself nor the people before her. She just needs to talk about the case; then she wouldn't have to worry about ripping Carmichael's head off.

"Hey," Olivia says as she finally walks before them, crouching down to her knee to have aligned eye contact with the two women. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I already took my statement," goes the A.D.A's brisk reply, eyes not even attempting to glance at Olivia's.

"I understand this must be hard..." This whole case is too hard for Olivia, "but...I just need to know what's going on-"

"I came in and saw a dead dog on my counter. That's it." Casey is bitter and sarcastic; responses that Olivia definitely deserved at this moment.

"Did they leave anything else?"

"No." Again, her eyes stay aligned on Abbie's thigh.

"They really wanted to scare you Casey. This...this must be something else-"

"It _was _a dog, detective. It doesn't hold significance-"

Her heart wants to gaze into the ginger's beautiful green orbs, and shoo away Casey's 'old friend', but her mind only holds the goal of keeping the Novak family safe. And that racing mind of her always think outside of the box. "Did Emily have or want a white dog? Usually young girls like small puppies."

The question confuses the A.D.A, but she sits upright and moves slightly, enough for Olivia, from Carmichael's touch to think over the question. After a slight pause the A.D.A mumbles "No...but..."

"But?"

"I...I had a white puppy when I was a kid." The ginger's eyes widen as the revelation hit her and she begins to speak more quickly and confidently. "Yeah, I had a terrier named Bagel when I was like eight."

"Whatever happened to him?"

Casey flinches slightly as her brow remains furrowed. "He got hit by a car chasing the ball some kid threw in the street and...and...he was decapitated." Her voice breaks again as she returns her position of her head on Abbie's shoulder, the thin woman immediately rubs along her arm in a soothing manner.

It took work for Olivia to overlook the blatant affection Abbie is showing, but she has a job to do and she promised Casey she'd do it to the best of her ability. "Do you know anyone who might know that? Family? A friend?"

The ginger shakes her head.

Olivia needs to push harder. "C'mon Casey, did you tell a friend from school, a teacher maybe? This could get us somewhere."

Again, the ginger lifts from the brunette's position to think of an answer but her mind obviously draws a blank. "My mom and dad...and..Trevor." _That _gets a rise in Olivia's attention as her eyes shift from the ginger's to the brunette's beside her.

"Trevor, huh?" From the first occasion Olivia met Trevor, her guard naturally grew. Something just seem...off about him and she didn't know what it was. Though she clearly didn't like him, or didn't trust him, Casey seems to be peeved with that furrowed brow and narrowed eyes.

"No, no, Trevor wouldn't do this-"

"When I met him, Casey, he didn't seem...to be fond of you," Olivia answers softly, trying to put that delicately. "And you told me he's cold and-"

"Not cold enough to purposefully traumatize his daughter!" she hisses back, clenching her jaw.

Olivia makes a careless glance at Abbie but return her gaze on her when the detective notices that the brunette no longer holds that concerned, consoling look it once had before. Now, thin frame is just as stiff, arms briskly folded over her knees, dark eyes glued to hands.

She's hiding something.

"Abbie, is there something on your mind?"

The woman stiffens some more as a long pause goes on by.

She's definitely hiding something.

"Trevor takes...he really wanted full custody," she gazes up at Casey but the ginger is clearly taken back by disgust.

"You think...you really think that Trevor, the father of my daughter, _our _daughter, would fake a kidnapping to get Emily back?" her eyes fill with repugnance and disdain, but somehow the conclusion makes sense to Olivia and Abbie.

"People get real low during custody battles, Casey," Olivia replies softly, running her fingers through her wavy brown locks. Casey's disappointed, utterly disgusted in what she's hearing, and she looks over to Abbie to somehow get some support but, alas, those big brown eyes cower to the ground, showing her agreement in Olivia's claim.

"Well screw you for accusing a man whose daughter was kidnapped because you need a body to tie this to! And screw you, too!" Casey growls as her gaze shift to the brunette A.D.A. "Screw the both of you!" She rises from her seat, bolting out of the living room heading toward the door where Abbie tries to follow.

"Let her go," Olivia whispers as she rests a hand on the A.D.A's shoulder to still her movements. "She needs time to process..."

What a hypocrite Olivia is. She yearns to bolt outside and pacify the livid woman, hold her again, to console her, to make Casey hers, the whole nine yards. Abbie's here so she couldn't be as outwardly affectionate as she planned, but she will be.

Casey Novak will be hers again.

**So yeah guys, juiciness on the case ^_^ More to come on that by the way. So yeah, review and tell me what you think and to get chapter 15. **


	15. Jealousy

**I hope you are still reading... you know who you are :/ **

Casey could feel the rage burning within her skin as she storms out of her crowded apartment. How dare they? How could they abruptly and unanimously concur that her ex was behind this? Yes, Trevor is a pompous, conservative, vindictive ass, but he loved his daughter and he wouldn't take the risk of permanently traumatizing her just to selfishly have her full time. The man is also a victim of losing his child; they should at least give some sympathy to the poor man. But no, here Olivia goes making up her wild accusations.

The accusation hurts Casey more than she liked to think. Olivia was right; parents could say and do just about anything to keep their child. She's experienced the backlash when Trevor pulled his stunt in court to get full custody. Luckily her judge seemed pretty liberal enough to understand that there are alternative relationships that are also healthy for children, contrary to the general public. It's understandable why Abbie hated him, but Olivia? She seemed to care less about Casey's existence and only sought her for sexual gratification. So why now? Why did Olivia seem so vehement?

She could go on and on about the detective's odd reasoning, but that makes her angrier. She shouldn't be thinking about the brunette, especially what she has done to her emotionally and outwardly. But she can't stop; her mind never truly has. She's fantasized about the woman, cried about her, and a stir of emotions that even shock the hell out of herself when she wakes up in a cold sweat.

She's angry at her but she will never truly forget what the woman has done for her. Aside from her gratification to hurt Casey's soul when just bedding with her, Olivia's determination and passion could out roar all of her flaws. Even when things seem cold, Olivia was the first person at the precinct, if she indeed left in the first place, and the last to leave trying to find something, anything, to get Emily back. And she did; all of her hard work paid off because Emily is next door, safe with the one neighbor Casey trusted, and not in the arms of gun-heavy cretins.

Thank god.

But still, she surely feels the slightly faint flame of rage spark the moment she hears her door open and the detective walk out of it with an apologetic gaze. One thing Casey admires about Olivia is her confidence; even when Olivia is wrong or ashamed, still she manages to look directly in the eye as if she's never had a flaw or issue in her middle-aged life. Those brown eyes scream surety, maturity, _passion, _that intrigued and disturbed Casey.

But that didn't seize her rage for the woman before her.

"What the hell you want?" she snaps, furrowing her brow, trying to show her strength, to prove to herself that she could handle this, handle _Olivia, _during her tougher times.

The detective doesn't verbally respond but continues to walk up to her as if the A.D.A didn't exist. But those eyes, those dark specs of knowledge and beauty continues to stalk, follow Casey's every move, probably detecting the ginger stiffen at the strong gaze.

She hates when Olivia does this, makes her feel this weak, this helpless this _conflicted _with her mind and decision. Initially, Casey took a vow to separate any sort of romance out of her life when referring to the detective. But now, watching those big eyes on her own tear up, maker her want to reconsider. Now she has the sudden urge to reach out, the thought so strong that she doesn't realize that her arm is extending, wanting, craving, for physical contact.

It feels like eternity that Olivia and Casey's been staring, gazing, trying to read each other, until the detective makes that one last step, invading all kinds of privacy and personal boundaries, and curves an arm around the A.D.A's trim waist.

She shivers and she knows Olivia felt it. Casey couldn't help herself; she wants to yell, scream, kiss- _passionately- _but the turbulence and discordance of emotions leave her doing one thing: crying.

One tear-trickle down her cheek turns into a couple, a few, until a full-out storm is flooding her distraught face. The confliction and contradiction of her feelings manage to unanimously exude through this one effect. It has her shuttering, naturally leaning into the warmth before her, clutching her arms tightly around the detective's neck, begging not to let go.

Olivia doesn't seem to mind the embrace; in fact her hold grows tighter as she adds a second hand to wrap around the ginger's shivering body.

Casey, through her releasing of bottled thoughts and emotions, is truly at awe at the response she's getting from the brunette. She could feel that soft hand soothingly caress her back, hear that deep, melodic voice whisper "I'm sorry" and "It's okay" in her ear. It's surprising, it's uplifting, but this is what she needed, this love, the support and attention.

But sadly, this whole gesture comes a little too late.

With a sigh, Casey slowly unwraps her arms from Olivia's neck and makes a small step backward. It's obvious Olivia's confused, and surprisingly hurt by Casey's seemingly abrupt change of heart, but Casey has to protect her heart because sadly there's almost nothing left to rip out and take advantage of.

"Casey..." Olivia finally says after her whole time of saying nothing, but just watching, listening, _caring. _She seems so...cracked. Not broken-no; the strong, level-headed couldn't cloth that word. But there is something off, different, vulnerable about the detective's reaction that gets Casey confused, intrigued, guilty, and all the more angry at the brunette. She shouldn't feel guilty...it wasn't her fault yet she still wants to rub the olive shoulder and kiss that beautiful, chiseled cheek.

But her concern and curiosity, however, keeps that spark fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

"No, Olivia. You _won't _do this to me again! I am sick, I repeat, I am _sick _of this whole cycle. I've been through enough! My daughter's been kidnapped, my apartment broken into. And you, the woman I..." she couldn't even mouth the true world she's thinking of, and her throat clogs. All of that anger, down the drain. The initial spark of strength later trails to diffidence and downright disruption of speech.

Luckily, for some reason Olivia decides to continue her rant.

"I am the woman you care for? The woman you hate." She says the second thought quieter, clearly affected by it, but evenly, showing the truth behind the words. "You want to tell me everything but you're afraid that I'll hurt you...like I have been doing for the past few months. But...truth is..." the brunette stops to ruffle her fingers through her slightly mused lockers and pulls her bangs out of her face as she lets out a sigh.

This must be serious.

"Truth is...I was blindsiding myself. I kept telling myself that the orgasms you give me are to enhance my relationship with El. That what we were doing was just stimulation, not attraction. But...who am I kidding. I'm attracted to you," the woman softly chuckles, not anything malicious or condescending, but genuinely amused at her revelation.

It brings a soft smile to the A.D.A's own lips.

"I like...what you do to me...when my clothes are both on and off." Again, the detective forgets the courtesy of personal space when she closes the distance between them and softly caresses the knuckle of her olive index finger against the A.D.A's cheek. "But I love it..._love _it, when you kiss me..."

Unlike before, where emotions were blinded by anger, lust, and pride, this kiss- that Olivia initiated- starts slow, both of their lips tentatively overlapping the other, reacquainting themselves with the warmth and flesh. Casey succumbs to the temptation she's been craving for weeks, allowing the kiss to continue in its slow banter. Olivia didn't seem to want to go any further, considering every time Casey not-so-subtly opens her mouth the detective takes that moment to lightly kiss down the younger woman's cheek.

For once, Casey didn't have a problem with that. She appreciates the slow, savoring love of a fabulous kiss. But unfortunately, the detective pulls away, not out of the box of personal space, but she moves her face so their lips no longer touched.

_Not again.._she dreads with an inward sigh.

Only this time, it didn't end with Casey trapped in her own stupidity and heartache. This time her eyes watch the detective's dance on her own, brown orbs playful and soft that mirrored her small, but euphoric smile. But again, like every time her brain takes a moment to fully analyze things, she thinks of Olivia and w_hy_ she's this affectionate, this...desperate for this moment to happen.

The end results infuriate her!

"Why are you doing this?" Casey growls, surprised by the rasp in her own, as she takes a hasty step backward, freezing up in stature and in emotion. She refuses for her heart to be thrown away like the trash she feels Olivia treats it. "Why are you here, kissing me like you care- like you _want _something! No, no Olivia, I _refuse _to be your little experiment anymore. So y-you can be with your _perfect," _she nearly spits out the word with the same projectile as vomit, "boyfriend Stabler!"

She'd think that Olivia would growl or show some sort of negative response at the bitterness Casey just afflicted to her, but, as usual, Olivia throws the A.D.A with a smile, a sad one but her lips are curved upward. "What boyfriend."

The clearly rhetorical question unbalances the ginger but she refused for the detective to get the best of her, _again. _"Oh so you guys broke up?" she replies smoothly. "I'm your last resort, huh? Cool," she grimly smiles as she walks further away from the detective, leaning against the wall a door away from the brunette. "Feels good to know I'm the second choice. Feels good to know you want me because Stabler doesn't."

She's bitter, and in her opinion, downright blistering with sarcasm to the point where Olivia should take the hint and walk away. But, like the daring and ambitious Olivia's proven to be, she stands there, leaning against the wall parallel to the ginger's, as she roughly runs her fingers through her brown hair. It's gotten longer; wavy curls of brown cascading past her shoulders that Casey wants to just..wow, she should stop staring.

"It's the total opposite really," Olivia shrugs as a careless smile softens her face.

Casey stands there, watching the brunette with a wary and confused eye, waiting for an elaboration but she all she gets is silence. "What do you mean?" Casey prompts with exasperation.

For some odd reason Olivia is amused by Casey's aggravation, when she chuckles and pushes herself off the wall. "Couple of days ago Elliot was at my apartment to pick up some of his stuff, and...I was wet."

Casey flinches with confusion, infuriated at the response Casey gets from the detective's soft voice. Her stomach churns, reminiscing about the lovely warmth of the detective and it only irritates her considering she wants to rip the older woman's head off.

"It takes work to come on my own, so I figured Elliot could do the job."

It's Casey's turn to snort a laugh; Elliot couldn't satisfy the insatiable detective when they were _happy- _and she uses that term very lightly- so what made Olivia think Elliot could stimulate her now that there was no structure for a relationship.

"So I felt him up," she begins to stroll toward the ginger, "to, I don't know, release some steam. And it didn't work, of course. I wanted him before because it's suppose to be the 'right' thing to do. But then..at that moment, I wanted him because I didn't have you... I wanted to _feel _and you weren't there..." Her soft tone is barely above a whisper when she finally makes that last step to stand just before the A.D.A.

Casey could her heart begin to accelerate, making its function well known as it pounds with rapid intensity. Olivia shouldn't do this, look down at her lips in such an alluring manner. Rekindling any feelings beside anger and betrayal toward the detective, only gets her in trouble. She needs an excuse, shit, _anything!_

_"_Abbie," is the only thought her throat choked out as she lets out a haggard breath. It surely confuses Olivia with the prominent arch in her brow and a quick narrow of the eyes, but that is the only thing she could concoct in her brain with Olivia this close to her.

"What is...what does she have to- "

"She's been surrounded by medics and cops for awhile. I should check up on her.."

Olivia is obviously hurt when she appallingly blinks her eyes, but Casey has to stop this. There are other things, more explicit and expedient things, she needs to worry about.

"Look...maybe we should go back inside...I want Emily safe...and me too. I hate that someone could slip into my house whenever they wanted, and make their presence known with a chopped head."

It's wrong to totally undermine the wee bit of vulnerability Olivia is expressing, but Casey's trying to mend her own heart and not cloud her own judgment. There's a kidnapper, lurking to scare and torture her and she doesn't have time to fix and start a relationship.

For a few more seconds that erratic blinking trails into thin, narrow nearly-closed could see those brown eyes hardening, rebuilding the wall she let down.

"That will never happen again." Olivia's voice is short and distinct, a rasp of annoyance wallowing in it as she continues. "I will personally secure your apartment at all times while I'll direct uniforms to scope the perimeter."

It's already happening; Olivia's slipping back into that cold shell, being the head-strong, competent detective at the precinct. It's okay, though; for once Casey prefers it this way. Now they could focus on capturing Emily's captor without the blinds of a heated affair.

With a sad sigh, Casey mumbles "Thank you" while the detective barely nods and heads back into her apartment.

* * *

><p>Casey has <em>some <em>nerve shutting Olivia down the way she did in the hallway. Is she kidding? She's been pushing Olivia's buttons for something more and now that she's ready, the ginger shuts her down! Olivia isn't cocky by any means, but it isn't unusual when a suitor asks her out or clearly shows interest. It was always _keeping _and trusting her physical encounters was Olivia's issue. But here she is, seeking for something surpassing physical stimulation and Casey declines, respectfully.

Detective Olivia Benson understands why Casey declined her offer. She understands that the ginger didn't want her heart cracking for the umpteen time. She also knows that she should hold a clear head to stop the meticulous kidnapper who seeks pleasure in torturing the Novak family. Yes, _Detective _Benson knows that.

But Olivia, the woman, the passionate woman without the badge and gun, the woman who was half naked on Casey's bed once a week, didn't have that objectivity. She didn't see the positive sides of keeping their relationship platonic. All she can comprehend is the fact that she was turned down to the one person, the one _woman, _she truly wants and that has her body humming in rage. And it surely didn't help her humiliated temper when the A.D.A mentioned that _woman's, _Abbie, name in the midst of them kissing. That surely didn't mend her broken ego considering she knows and _witnessed _their history.

Fortunately there is no time for the personal, heartache Olivia Benson to be in view. There is only time to form profiles and theories for her next perp, a personal one to the unit and her heart, she's afraid to say. There will be time to remind Casey why she was interested in pursuing a relationship with the detective in the first place, but now isn't the time.

_Soon._

"Benson!" Elliot snaps her out of her thoughts with his harsh call. It's uncharacteristic, well _nothing _is uncharacteristic considering they are not as close and don't keep in touch the way they once did, but she hasn't heard Elliot call her by her surname for a while. It's been 'Liv' for years but for once she notices the change without giving a damn. She has bigger fish to fry and it doesn't help when he calls her again, clearly wanting her appearance or assistance , that Casey returns to Abbie's hip with the brunette A.D.A rubbing her arm and back, as did before.

When he comes out from the ginger's bedroom, thick brows furrowed confusingly and un-approvingly, she finally focuses on her job and walks up to her partner. His eyes are now glued to a piece of paper in his glove-clothed hands and sparks curiosity in her own mind.

"What's that?" she asks, nudging her head toward the mystery paper.

He turns to her side, shoulder to shoulder, so they both have view of the message.

"_Oh, you told your little friends about me again. Cute. You must be frightened ;)" _

"Where did you find this," Olivia nearly growls out, enraged at the blatant cockiness plastered all over the message. This person has been prodigiously meticulous this whole time and for him, or her, to take the perilous risk of coming in to Casey's apartment shows that they are well prepared and are ready to attack if the police do get a hold of them.

"Novak's bedroom, on her window sill. It was crisp, not a wrinkle in sight, so the perp must've placed it after they planted the dog's head in the kitchen. There was no way that this could be shipped or pushed through the window. With no trace of force-entry, this person has to be intimately close to her."

That alone makes Olivia flinch, not a sharp movement but the sentence does throw her off. She doesn't like the thought of Casey intimate with _anyone _excluding herself, as selfish as it sounds, and saying that Abbie and Casey are on the couch a few feet behind her, surpassing the boundaries of friendship, it irks her.

And Elliot notices it.

It looks as if the male detective wants to confront her, question her for the fall of her ice cold cover, but lets this one go. After all they have important things to crack at this moment.

But Olivia knows he surely won't forget it, regardless of him not bringing the conversation to the light.

He's bound to find out...he's getting so close..

**Review for chapter 16. Not feeling too well :/ **


	16. Plan

**Ugh so sorry for this long absence. My muse for this fandom is literally fried and I am trying to change that but I am losing hope for SVU. But ugh...again, don't think I'm ditching you guys. My muse does not want to comply with my hands. **

As sick as it sounds, Olivia is a bit relieved that something picked up in the case. She's lucky to have something to drown herself in, and for something, other than Casey, to throw all of her energy in. She's always work well under pressure to begin with, resulting in a positive career, so having a taunting letter and a butchered dog head on a counter was a positive distraction.

Still, though, it didn't exactly help watching the despondent Casey all over the brunette A.D.A. Olivia's actually jealous watching them, even though their behavior and posture are respectfully demure. They are beside Olivia, with Abbie consoling Casey for yet _another _hardship that's in her life, and the detective feels like she's going to throw up. She shouldn't, this type of emotional support is beneficiary to the A.D.A, but it irks her that this positivity isn't formed by her. Call it vanity, selfishness, arrogance, and every other adjective summing up to that, Olivia wants to be there for Casey; not Abbie. She feels like she could help her, save her, _love _her and she couldn't achieve that goal when ole Texas over here on her coattail.

"Abbie, you mind if I speak to Casey for a moment?" It surprises Olivia that her voice rasped with an icy front, shielding the true envy and jealousy in the pit of her abdomen.

Abbie must've noticed the sharp change in tone when that dark brow quivers, slightly. Her dark eyes align with the detective's for a moment, gaze unwavering and...hard aside from the warm embrace she gives the woman beside her. She must know something's up, Olivia isn't all that stealth with her territory for Casey, but she's a southern belle. Abbie wouldn't fight, especially not in the company of the damaged Casey, and neither will Olivia for that matter. The detective will just make it her business, and everyone else surrounding the A.D.A, to make it obvious that Casey is hers and will _be_ her when this case is over.

There's a reason why she and Abbie didn't work out and though Olivia doesn't know that information, she will make it her business to put that in the air in case the ginger wants to rekindle a relationship with the brunette A.D.A.

After what seems like eternity, Abbie finally makes a tight, clearly forced, nod and the Texan rubs Casey's back one last time before she returns to the living room, sitting on the couch amongst the remainder of C.S.U. _  
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When she's not in ear-shot, Olivia turns her attention to the dubious ginger and heaves a silent sigh. The whole demeanor change of the ginger literally breaks the detective when Abbie walks away. The strong, no-nonsense A.D.A seems foreign to the frail, despondent woman before her. She almost feels responsible for this, _not _the kidnapping but the simple demeanor change in Casey. Before her, this, their affair, Casey was a strong, brave, sarcastic woman that Olivia learned to appreciate. She also hates that she has to give Casey _more _bad news. To tell her that under her nose a kidnapper slipped into her bedroom, the room one is suppose to feel the most tranquil and comfortable, and left them a taunting item to show their presence.

"The, um, perp..." Had it been any other person, rape victim, abused child, hell her _mother _this wouldn't be difficult. But with this A.D.A, this friend, something _clearly _more, it's nearly impossible to reveal the new evidence.

"Yes- shit Liv, what is it?" The ginger is frantic, excited with such disproportional anxiety that Olivia couldn't permit to withhold this information any longer. Yes it'll hurt, but Casey is an officer of the court and she knows better than anyone the expedience of viable evidence involving a case.

Especially a case involving herself and her family.

"The perp," the detective clears her throat, trying to give herself more time compose the message; even if it's a millisecond, "left a note on your window sill."

The ginger's eyes widen, clearly shocked, frantic and scared are the better words, and it makes Olivia's heart sink a bit. She didn't expect Casey to be apathetic about the news, but she's never honestly ready to face her own emotions when the A.D.A's are discombobulated. It's horrible that the ginger cannot catch a break.

"CSU dusted for prints, but the perp didn't leave any. I guess he or she wanted to make their presence, but they're not being stupid about it."

"Figures," she says, tone just as low and empty as her expression. "They must have put it there when they broke into my house."

Olivia concurringly nods at that, lowering her eyes a moment in disappointment. It pains her, enrages her, that she isn't permitted to do anything at the moment. Because the truth is that the perp is in complete control and they are simple puppets they are manipulating. The whole scene is in the mystery person's control, and they are dumbly acting it out. She wants to keep Casey in the dark, but she isn't naive. That letter is a message saying 'we're here, and this isn't the last of us'.

And the thought slaps Olivia in the face...

"Case!" she gasps out, startling the woman before her. "The perp is a narcissus. He gets off on your fear, but if you live your life the way you usually do, he'll get sloppy and reveal himself."

"The way I _usually _do?" Casey all but growls out. "This person kidnapped my child and has access to my home! How the hell do you expect me to _live my life like I usually do?" _

The comment strikes Casey the wrong way and Olivia feels shitty for that, but her quick profile, which she will consult with Huang, seems plausible and they need to strike if they plan on catching this person. "Obviously you won't go in blind. There will be people around you at all times, some close, some far, _all _undercover. You need to look vulnerable...no, in denial, as if this never happened." She catches Casey's scowl and she quickly continues, "I need you to pretend that you aren't afraid. This perp will be too cocky and narcissistic to ignore you. You need to...take Emily out. Take her to the park, go out to dinner. I just..you can't spend your life trapped in her or this kidnapper will be hidden, and I don't like the sound of that. Do you?"

Olivia has been told that she has a persuasive trait to her that may be perceived as manipulative or condescending, but she justifies using guilt to save two lives and to catch one that isn't worth seeing the light of day. Her brown eyes are unwavering, determined to stare this out with the A.D.A. until she gives in, like all her victims seem to do. Elliot always said her eyes hold this intensity that compelled people to speak the truth, or admit their wrongdoings. She use to laugh it off and that she got lucky, but she slowly reconsiders it when the results are the same.

And they did not change with Casey.

"Okay...but I will _not _do anything if Emily doesn't want to. If she doesn't want to go out I'm not, and I don't care what you say! Understood?" Persuasion and defiance are two traits Olivia and Casey have in common because those green eyes stay on her own, as Olivia's did on her seconds ago, and she awaits for a response as the ginger locks her jaw.

"That's fair.."

With a satisfactory nod, Casey says "Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to Abbie since I left her there a while." She's gone before Olivia could rebut, as if she would anyway. What happened? What changed? Before Casey would make any excuse to be by the detective's side, hinting for something more than one-sided sex, requesting for at least a conversation. Now, she could care less. It seems like this whole crime is hardening the A.D.A, as it should because she needs to objective to keep she and her daughter safe, but Olivia thinks she could at least be exempt from that coldness. She thinks _she _should be the one to hold Casey, to tell her that it's okay to be afraid, that she will always protect her..

Olivia doesn't realize how much she..cherished Casey until she slipped from her fingers...

It hurts now, hell it will hurt later, but Olivia has to brush that aside because she has a plan to catch this son-of-a-bitch and it has promise.

Maybe promise to get something else she wants.

**So yes I know it's really short, but like I said my muse is really hard for my muse to work with this fandom. I hoped you like it ._. Review for the next chapter..I'll try to update at a more timely manner. **


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